BAND AU!!!!! *dances* Now I'm never going to get this essay done, but I totally do not care, because... Band AU! *joy*

The ridiculous names men use for their penises in a nefarious attempt to reduce women to limp, giggling, easily-sexed heaps!

I think "giggling" is the key word here. It's easier to sex someone when they're collapsed on the floor laughing, I guess. Even if they are laughing at you. Also: waterskiing squirrel? Where? I want one!