Most likely to divorce within the year: Tori Spelling and what's-his-face

Most likely to divorce within the month: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock

Divorce most likely to be documented on stolen home video: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's

Most convincing proof of immortality: Keith Richards

Most tired of "let them eat cake" jokes: Kirsten Dunst

Celebrity baby most likely to hate the "Superman" franchise: Kal-El Cage

Celebrity baby most likely to hate saris, soirees, and Slurpees: Suri Cruise

I'm sure I've got more -- and dear G-d, what was up with Paula's sternum? It looked like she had an unfortunate encounter with an ice-cream scoop.