Having seen exactly 1 (one) picture of skinny!Star, and CLEARLY she's had a gastric bypass (or equivalent bariatric surgery of choice), and as I have one myself, I'm an EXPERT!!1!

If you took your National Enquirer and a Weekly World News, made word confetti (Brad, Katie, Ellen, SpongeBob, mutant baby, tightrope, Satan, high school, gay, adopt, etc) and mixed them together, then tossed a handful onto a table -- I betcha you'd get some *very* plausible headlines.

And here's where I admit I don't know who half these people are...