I'm too cranky to title this post.

[trinityofone]

Got my economic stimulus check yesterday. Immediately donated more money to Barack Obama.

Suck it, George.

This was going to be a purely triumphant political post, but then I got into work this morning and found one of my magazines’ mail columns on my desk to edit. In it was a response to some of the homophobic language I objected to a couple months ago.

Here’s the letter:

I subscribe to [Magazine]. I was shocked to see the phrase “limp-wristed California and Massachusetts” in bold print in the July ‘08 issue Mailbag by [Editor]. As a reader, consumer, and fellow off-roader, I was deeply offended by this jab. Making fun of a group of people because of their sexual orientation is very unprofessional.

The two states you mentioned to be limp-wristed just so happen to be the two States in the USA with laws now allowing gay marriage. So the jab was intentional as I see it. If you didn’t mean it as a jab toward gay people then I think you would have clarified as such.

Having fun is great. Making fun of someone with a characteristic that they cannot change is not having fun. Until you have been in these shoes (have you?), then you would not truly understand the “overly sensitive” politically correct attitude. There are teens and young adults out there that will kill themselves this year because they cannot come to terms with being a gay person and have some acceptance from their closest friends and family members. Some of those lives lost will be off-roaders. So yes ... I’m overly sensitive to an attitude that can indeed push people further away from a happy and productive life.

I work hard for my money and spend a lot of money on the two Jeeps in our family. We off-road and attend Jeep Jamborees year after year. I hope that this e-mail finds the right few people in the industry that may have friends or family that happen to be gay and let [Editor] and [Magazine] know that this was very disrespectful. Surely some of your advertisers have nondiscrimination policies which may include sexual orientation protection, if so please makes sure the person in charge of their marketing and human resources gets a copy of this e-mail.

Love to all,
[Awesome Person]

And here’s my Editor’s response:

First of all, I hadn’t even thought of that when this was written! You do realize that the issue in question was written several months before gay marriage was passed as legal in my state (California)? And before it even hit the news locally as a possibility! So your argument is totally null and void. It’s purely coincidence.

What’s with the overly-sensitive PC attitude? [Magazine] is and always has been (at least since 2001) a fun magazine where we laugh at ourselves and expect others to do the same. I think the world is already too PC. Sorry if you disagree and wish the magazine to be overly politically correct and uninteresting.

Clearly, an off-road magazine poking fun at a couple liberal states (both of which the staff of [Magazine] have lived in) is far from the worst that is happening here in the U.S. I really think your efforts could be better applied.

ARGHHHHHH. This just drives me crazy. He is just so hugely NOT GETTING IT, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t like to be even the slightest part of perpetuating this shit. But I’ve brought it up with him before and he just seems to be incapable of catching the clue bus. So my question is: is there anything you think I can say or do to make him see how off-base he is, or am I just going to have to suck it up and let this see print? Now, I suppose, is a delightful time to mention that this month’s mail column is a week late at this point, so I have to finish it and get it sent out today.

I mostly really like this job. But then things like this happen and I just feel sick.

ETA: I responded:

I don't mean to get on your case, [Editor], but I would feel mad at myself if I didn't mention that I think your response here is totally off-base. You're right to mention that you wrote your previous response before gay marriage was legalized in California, so that connection wasn't intentional. However, considering that [Awesome Person]'s whole letter is an effort to explain why he is sensitive about this issue, I think to start your second paragraph by saying "What's with the overly-sensitive PC attitude?" just shows that you are not listening.

I also disagree that using homophobic language—even if you did not mean it as a slur against gay people, which I don't think you did—is the same as "laugh[ing] at ourselves" because as [AP] points out, that's not a group you consider yourself part of. And I also don't think that omitting such language would make the magazine uninteresting. I laugh at the articles' jokes all the time—impressive, when I know nothing about Jeeps!—and let me tell you, the random insertions of "limp-wristed" or "pantywaist" do not constitute your best material.

Anyway, I just think that you could still assert your point of view (even the parts I disagree with) without totally dismissing [AP]'s as "null and void." Though I have to say, I do admire that you're willing to print his letter and let his voice be heard in the first place.

I'll get off my soap box now.

We'll see how that goes over. :\

ETA2: Well, he listened, kind of.

This was his response to my response:

Thanks for the insight. He and I sent several e-mails back and forth. This is the combination of all that was said. I axed a few things. Should be a little nicer now. Thanks.

What he axed was "First of all," "So your argument is totally null and void," and "What's with the overly-sensitive PC attitude?" He also changed the last sentence of paragraph two so that it reads, "Sorry if you disagree and wish the magazine to be overly politically correct. Not gonna happen on my watch," which I think is probably just as bad if not worse, but...

Well...in general, it's better, I guess? Sort of? And he was polite to me, at least.

Is it better or worse that I think this is all arising from obstinate cluelessness, rather than maliciousness?

Anyway, I guess this was a draw. Now I'm just trying to decide if I want to thank him for listening or just leave it.

Comments

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my strategy so far has been to keep objecting to every single piece of homophobic or sexist language. Does that mean I should object to Editor's ENTIRE response here? I do object to it, but—I feel like such a coward—I'm afraid he'll get pissed at me and I'll get fired.

I wish I could find the right way to phrase a "you might want to rethink this..." response.

[zoetrope.livejournal.com]

A simple response to his idiocy is to send him this video by UK comedian Stewart Lee. Totally awesome - says everything you've ever wanted to say, but always been speechless with rage!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IYx4Bc6_eE

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I'll have to wait till I get home to watch this, but I'm looking forward to it! Thanks!

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

That was, in fact, pure distilled awesomesauce over an awesome fillet on a bed of fresh awesome, topped with a little sprinkling of awesome for good measure.

Rock on, Stewart Lee.

[sol-se.livejournal.com]

So your argument is totally null and void.

Ugh. I want to smack your editor. How much can you edit it? If you can, I'd edit his response down so that it's at least somewhat less condescending jackass-ish. Then maybe try to bring it up with him again? It sounds like he's not going to get it no matter what you say, though.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I'm really only supposed to edit him for grammar/consistency. Idiocy is outside my purview.

SIGH.

[caseymae.livejournal.com]

Do both! Do a grammar edit for your job, and an idiocy edit for the greater good. Show him both, point out exactly why you made the changes you did in the latter. (Sorry if I'm too late to be helpful...)

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

Then why California and Massachusetts? The Rubicon Trail, which Jeep uses as the benchmark of off-road-worthiness of it's vehicles is in California, after all.

I dunno. Would he ever describe a straight male as limp-wristed? In what context?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I think you're trying to apply logic, which is apparently a mistake. ;-)

I think Editor thinks that calling straight people limp-wristed (because they like different Jeeps or can't operate a winch as well as he can) isn't offensive; only calling a gay person limp-wristed is offensive, and that's not what he's doing! It's the idea that a slur isn't inappropriate if it doesn't actually describe the person you are insulting.

Which of course is fucking ridiculous.

[sol-se.livejournal.com]

But...that makes no sense. Because all of that is starting with the premise that limp-wristed (which equals gay) is an insult. How is "gay = insult" hard to grasp?

I know someone like this, and it's like trying to reason with a brick wall.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I agree, but that's exactly the argument he's made in the past. I don't get it.

Anyway, I responded. (And added my response to this post.) We'll see how that goes.

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

Does he not understand the implication? That by refering to someone with a slur that describes a different group, he's rhetorically assigning them membership in that group and asserting the slur.

If you call a straight man limp wristed, you are implying that he is gay, and further, that this is a shameful, or at least unfortunate state.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

That's putting it very simply and eloquently, and I may steal your wording if he gets back to me about my response (above). I really don't understand why some people have such a hard time grasping this "subtlety."

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

Hopefully this will get the idea through to him. Feel free to rephrase it with smaller words if you think it will help :P

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

I do think it's worth bringing up again. Be that drop of water on stone, you know? Gentle, gentle, but persistent. It's hard to speak up; at least, it is for me. And there are times when I choose to let something go, but in this case, with a national magazine and therefore such a large audience, I think another drop of common sense is called for.

I also agree with the person who wrote -- can you make sure HR sees the email?

Good luck, no matter what you do.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I've decided I'm going to say something—I'm not sure what yet, but something. I don't think I can pass the emails onto HR, though, because then I'll feel like I'm ratting Editor out. Better to confront him directly.

Still scary, though!

[trollsttroll.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be able to work with someone like that... I have to give you props for even being able to tolerate him.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

That's part of what's so frustrating—in other respects, he's a really nice guy! And I just feel, when nice guys have attitudes like this so deeply ingrained...we are really fucked.

[la-tante.livejournal.com]

sheesh. but i get you. my boss (a high school principal) consistently says we have an all-white staff when one of my colleagues is native american--she just "passes" for white because she's blond. it is infuriating every time she does it. and that's just the tip of the rotten iceberg. fortunately, we're finally working with a group called uniting to understand racism and i'm hoping things will change. *crosses fingers and fervently hopes* they're pretty amazing folks. maybe you can get them to come to your magazine? i know they're based in oregon but perhaps they can point you in the direction of a local group for you guys? http://dwp.bigplanet.com/oregonuniting/uurhome/

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'll check it out!

[sinclair-furie.livejournal.com]

:(:(
Have you received other letters? Maybe next time you send out a polite "you might want to rethink this" email, you could point to things like this letter to show you're not insane, and people are being unnecessarily hurt...

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll definitely be able to reference this letter in the future, so there's...that.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I just added his response to my response. I guess it's kind of a draw?

Thanks for saying you thought my response was good, though. That's something, I suppose!

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I guess I was considering "worse than a draw" to be him saying, "This is none of damn business, you are on my shit list." But you're right; it's not very helpful.

Sigh, indeed.

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Coming in late, here, but I think your response is both tactful and appropriate. I don't think I've seen "you MISSED THE FUCKING POINT, there!" worded so well in a long time. :)

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Thanks. He just got back to me, and he didn't dismiss me completely, which I guess is something. He's still missing the fucking point, though. :(

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

Your response is perfectly pitched. Now all you can do is see if he resonds like a reasonable human being living in 2008 or not.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

He responded. It's kind of a mixed bag.

You think Captain John would share some of that there liquor?

[mirageofmae.livejournal.com]

Just want to say that I admire your bravery in standing up for your beliefs in such a (as you put it) overly aggressive heterosexual work atmosphere! I've held my tongue before and regretted it, so really, I admire your willingness to comment and make your voice heard.

I've met people like your editor before! Generally nice people who have archaic attitudes and old mind-sets who are somehow blind to their own prejudices. I always have to take a step back and say, "Did you hear what just came out of your mouth and how [insert -ist here] that sounds?" It's a little discouraging sometimes.

[claire.livejournal.com]

I would like to limp-wristedly punch him in the face. A lot.

[lilyfarfalla.livejournal.com]

It would be nice if you could actually just slap sense into people, wouldn't it? I think you handled it well, though, and hey, donating the stimulus money to Obama is just about the most brilliant move ever. Brava!

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Got my economic stimulus check yesterday. Immediately donated more money to Barack Obama.

Suck it, George.

Hee, that's absolutely the best way to help the economy, in my opinion. ROCK.

Your email was so much more tactful than I could have been in that situation you have no idea. Which is possibly why I should not work with people. Or at least not with people who are idiots. I'm thinking this may be a difficult thing to do, however. *sigh*

random person w/ opinion

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Man, if the awesome person's letter and your comments don't make the editor get it, I don't think he wants to get it, or even try. All people I've dealt w/ who have attitudes like this... there is usually no rational thinking going on, so rational arguments don't register. They need like, a close friend or relative to come out to give them visceral experience.

Is it better or worse that I think this is all arising from obstinate cluelessness, rather than maliciousness?

I'd see this as a step beyond pure cluelessness. You alerted him to this, a reader wrote in, and you gently pressed your point. If he were interested in seeing beyond his own bubble to other people's povs, people not as lucky and "normal" as he is, he's had chances.

Can I also rant: it pisses me off when people are so proud of being "un-pc." Usually it's just an excuse by those already dominant to be rude, but since it's not anyone *important* who's getting stepped on, it's all good fun. /rant

I think you handled this pretty morally and professionally... sometimes a hard combo.

As for thanking him... I guess it is good he printed the letter (though perhaps only because he doesn't realize how awesome it is and how fail his reply is), but I wouldn't say he deserves thanks for basic decent behavior (not being even worse and/or coming down on you for trying to give helpful advice). OTOH, sometimes some thanks to the big boss for reasonable behavior can help grease the wheels w/ pos reinforcement at work. Politics.