Winky the milk spitting tunnel ferret?

[trinityofone]

Recently linked to on my flist: Woody's World of Penis Euphemisms. It's very...special.

Anyway, I think we should have a contest. Whoever can use the most of these in a fic--with bonus points if the fic isn't utter crack, and if the euphemisms aren't just being listed (although a little of that would be okay by me *g*)--wins. At like, everything. Ever.

Go! Willy the one-eyed wonder worm, Herman von Longschlongstein, Buster McThunderstick--not to mention Prince Everhard of the Netherlands (royalty, no less!)--command you!

ETA: aurora_84 has pointed out that the fannish hivemind strikes again! *boggles*

I'm not, like...obligated to sign up for that now, am I?

Comments

[siria]

... you're going to get me kicked out of the library for inappropriate choking.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

That was, of course, my evil plan all along.

[siria]

I'll never be able to keep up with your diabolical, infernal schemes!

Just try not to get me permanently banned, because no place for writing would drive me crazy.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

It would also make me very sad! Okay then. *puts away tinfoil mustache*

[siria]

*bemused look a la Shep* Tinfoil moustache? Should I ask? Do I want to know? Should I have fear?

*returns to fic dissertation*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

*blinks* You mean you don't have "Curses, foiled again!" over here?

I can't pay the rent, I can't pay the rent...

[siria]

Uh. Is Jeopardy dangerous?

Translation from the geek: I plead ignorance

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Okay, it's like this...this thing. (Official cultural category: miscellaneous.) See, you get a piece of tinfoil, and you twist it a little in the middle, so depending on where you hold it, it looks either like a hair bow, a mustache, or a bow tie. And then, moving it around, you do a series of voices...

HAIR BOW: I can't pay the rent! I can't pay the rent!
MUSTACHE: You must pay the rent! You must pay the rent!
HAIR BOW: I can't pay the rent! I can't pay the rent!
MUSTACHE: You must pay the rent! You must pay the rent!
BOW TIE: I'll pay the rent!
HAIR BOW: My hero!
MUSTACHE: Curses! Foiled again!

And it's funny! No, really!

Anyway, I'd love to see John & Rodney try to explain that one to Ronon! Or "You remind me of a man." Aww, geeze. Do you know "You remind me of a man"?

[siria]

*Teyla face* And you do this for fun, in your culture?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

"You remind me of a man." "What man?" "The man with the power." "What power?" "The power of voodoo." "Who do?" "You do." "Do what?" "Remind me of a man."

[siria]

*blinks* Remind me again why I should want to voluntarily enter the US?

Also, I've just spotted what you've changed your LJ name to. *cries laughing*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Um, because we're awesome and we make up cracked verbal games for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL?

Ooh! Ooh! Do you know "Miss Lucy"?

I've just spotted what you've changed your LJ name to. *cries laughing*

*beams*

[siria]

Awesome like the Hewlett's ass, clearly.

... I know someone called Lucy, but I don't think that's what you mean.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell, Miss Lucy went to heaven, the steamboat went to hell--

o operator, please give me number 9, and if you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the be--

hind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass, Miss Lucy slipped upon it, and fell right on her as--

sk me no more questions, tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their fl--

ies are in the meadow, bees are in the park, Miss Lucy and her boyfriend, are kissing in the DARK! DARK! WHAT A LARK!

Uh, yeah. Run.

[siria]

Oh, we have something similar here. It was a skipping game.

*nostalgic* Oh, for the days when I could manage a double skipping rope with ease.

clearly, my playground subculture was more advanced than yours.

[alie]

Mine went like that up to:

ies are in the meadow, bees are in the park, Miss Lucy and her boyfriend, are kissing in the D-A-R-K DA

RK is like a movie, a movie's like a show, a show is like a TV set and that is all I kn

ow I know my maaaaw, I know I know my pa, I know I know my sister and her forty acre bra!

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

You would dare defy the orders of Prince Everhard of the Netherlands? *shock*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

*buys you a Che shirt*

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Okay, how about YOU try to use those in a non-crack-fic context, and I'll sit back and watch, and try to not hurt myself laughing.

"Buster McThunderstick"? Someone's wishful thinking...

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Okay, how about YOU try to use those in a non-crack-fic context, and I'll sit back and watch, and try to not hurt myself laughing.

Hell no! I'm posting BandAU later today! I get a free pass for the rest of the week!

"Buster McThunderstick"? Someone's wishful thinking...

Tonight on 60 Minutes! The ridiculous names men use for their penises in a nefarious attempt to reduce women to limp, giggling, easily-sexed heaps! Also, a squirrel who can waterski! After these messages!

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

BAND AU!!!!! *dances* Now I'm never going to get this essay done, but I totally do not care, because... Band AU! *joy*

The ridiculous names men use for their penises in a nefarious attempt to reduce women to limp, giggling, easily-sexed heaps!

I think "giggling" is the key word here. It's easier to sex someone when they're collapsed on the floor laughing, I guess. Even if they are laughing at you. Also: waterskiing squirrel? Where? I want one!

[siria]

BAND AU!!!!! *dances* Now I'm never going to get this essay done, but I totally do not care, because... Band AU! *joy*

It is the Band AU, and it is AWESOME.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

I cannot wait. Totally worth getting a horrible grade on this essay! *squee*

[siria]

Think of it as inspiring you to even greater academic heights! When you graduate, you can look at your degree and think "The gay porn exploits of a fictional Canadian astrophysicist and his fictional American flyboy stealth-geek boyfriend helped me gain this!" It will be a proud day for us all.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Very true, very true. I do, however, dread trying to explain it to my mother.

[siria]

Show her David Hewlett. I'm sure she'll understand.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Pass - that's just too easy! All of the above could just be ambassadors at a party, pshaw, it's another galaxy (and even here, such names exist). Next!

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

OMG! That's kind of...brilliant, actually. YOU MUST WRITE ME PENIS AMBASSADORS FIC!

Before I do. Oh, God.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Honey, I'll NEVER be able to catch up with you, you know how I work *looks at unborn FT x-over* ... maybe we should found an Inc. or something ... I come up with ideas and you churn out the ficcies ...

... hey ... hmmmmmmmm - hey, think of the possible profit! *gets starry eyes*


... you don't really NEED to finish uni, do you ...

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

No, no REALLY. This one is ALL YOURS.

... you don't really NEED to finish uni, do you ...

I do if I'm ever going to be able to answer that age-old question, What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? (http://s48.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3GI17W1J9XQ313JN76CYV2DX2J) Although I have a bad feeling about that, to be honest...

it sucks to be me

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Hot potatoe, pass it on, pass it on ...
OK then *puts it on list, tags it "t.o.o."*

Ah yes, America, the hotbed of college rock *listens* no wait, that sounds like The Producers ... ack, that song is evil *cries*


Didn't you like your old layout? I loved those colours.

Re: it sucks to be me

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

OK then *puts it on list, tags it "t.o.o."*

YAYS!

ack, that song is evil *cries*

ONLY BECAUSE IT'S SO TRUE!

Didn't you like your old layout? I loved those colours.

I liked it tons, too, but this one matches my pretty banner. *points* See?

Re: it sucks to be me

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Erm. Your header. Are those dots supposed to be moving? Like snow falling upwards?

:S you probably didn't read it, but I got a new screen :S all my icons look crap :S had to change my own layout because it hurt my eyes :S blah :S I miss the lovely colours :S the end :S

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Action Jackson? Thats almost a plot in itself. I can see it now, someone innocently jokes that that would be Daniels archeologist super-hero name, and the marines get hold of it and make lewd suggestions to SG1 about it, but they don't get it because its such an obscure phrase and BAM! Hilarity ensues!
Daniel = Penis. Its all so clear now.
*klo*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Ah yes, and Cam or Jack will go "you always were a bit of a prick" and Daniel would go "huh?" ...

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Just like that! I think maybe Cam, on balance.
*klo*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Yup, Cam's more likely to.

Perhaps even in Chinese ;P

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Which you just know would rev Daniels motor. And then there could be sex. See! We just wrote the outline for a story, based on a penis euphemism. There could be some team action adventure type stuff at the beginning there, just for show. But the end is the important part.
*klo*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I really have next-to-no clue about the SG-1 characters, but it sounds good to me! Go! Go forth! *g*

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

All you really need to know is that the boys are cute and Daniel is very often distracted, clueless and reading books. Its hot. Yesyes. Except now he does that AND has biceps to die for and looks really professional firing a gun. Hence the Action Jackson bit. Somewhere, it all makes sense.
*klo*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I've managed to pick most of that up through the ~two seasons I've watched, and through that wonderful process known as fannish osmosis! I'm a little less clear on Cameron, though. Mostly I just know:

Cameron: has major mancrush on Teal'c.

Is that correct? ;-)

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Cam has a major crush on all of SG1 really. Hes a big old fanboy. I find the prospect of Teal'c having sex to be a little scary so I prefer to go with Cam/Daniel. Plus the fact in the latest episode, Cam decided him and Daniel were going to beam down to a planet together for a little "quality time". How can I ignore a gift like that?
*klo*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Nope! Cam is just coooool. Watch Farscape first.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

*lol* outlines are easy! I give you a dozen for a dime. Hang on, a dime being like erm uhm 100 bucks. At least. And the end is the orgasm of course, with a bow and a cherry on top, yes, you gotta bring fruit.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I think _inbetween_ has kinda fallen on the sword (http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/468105.html) for me, there. Phew!