Fannish Bulwer-Lytton -- The Vote!
Aug. 21st, 2008 01:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityofoneWell. We all need some funny more than ever, don't we? So vote for your favorite among these 15 (yes, I know I said 10, but there were so many wonderful(ly awful) entries I changed my mind) finalists and help crown the one terrible sentence to rule them all!
The Finalists!
1. To lesbian vampire slayer Satsu, Buffy Summers really was a lot like cookie dough: wet, sticky and impossible not to stay up all night eating.
2. "After an untold number of hours spent staring into the moonlit sea of Lantea, Rodney solemnly vowed to do anything and everything he could to get Colonel Sheppard's--John's--trust back, even if he died in the trying of it."
3. There was a taxi, or something taxi-like, crouched in the corner of his room, and House knew that couldn’t be right, as the pills he’d taken earlier had clearly been labelled, “Does not cause hallucinations involving taxi cabs,” or at least that’s what he thought he remembered them saying, and yet here he was, and there it was, and so, in the end, he called Wilson, because if anyone would know anything about taxi cabs lurking in the corners of one’s room, it would be Wilson, who was an oncologist.
4. As Colonel John Sheppard, military commander of Atlantis and beloved protector of two galaxies, watched the sun rise over the Lantean ocean, the waves glittered like the tears in Rodney McKay's limpid azure eyes the night he left, and the dashing Colonel Sheppard reflected on the events of the past week, finally understanding that the wet, tearing sound he'd thought he heard when Rodney McKay had walked away from him had been the sound of his own heart rending in two, and he resolved that no matter how long it took, or how far he had to travel, he would regain the love of the brilliant scientist and win him back from muscle-bound Satedan warrior who—loving McKay at first sight, as all who saw him did—had, with soft and tender words whose use John Sheppard was too manly to ever master, lured him far away to his fortress of seduction among the Pegasian stars.
5. Ray sat in the bullpen and ran the razor-blade despairingly along his arm as he wondered how a balding, big-nosed Polack with too many sisters and a black GTO could ever hope to win the affections of a mighty-thewed red-coated right-maintaining true-hearted Canadian piece of man-meat like Constable Renfield Turnbull.
6. Lorne looked himself over in the mirror one final time—anxious that his carefully slicked back hair, loafers worn without socks, the turquoise tank top, the pegged white trousers, would all complement his muscular 5"9 frame and his eyes that were the colour of the Pacific Ocean when the ocean is blue green—hoping against hope that Radek would notice him across the crowded mess hall and approve, that he would think Lorne looked as suave and European as some suave European guy.
7. Her golden tresses blew in the wind of eternity, her eyes glowed deep golden brown with true compassion for the universe and her teeth twinkled like stars as the Doctor fell to his knees and swore undying love with tears in his eyes and throbbing emotion in his voice, feeling truly inferior for the first time in his life in front of the incomparable and brilliant Time Lady Rose Tyler.
8. Ronon's eyes devoured Rodney's form as if he was the biggest piece of chocolate cake in the universe and his ass was a pile of heart shaped icing roses just begging to be eaten.
9. "How bad can it possibly be," David said as he clicked on the folder on the computer labeled 'McShep-fanfic'.
10. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, commander of Atlantis, a military outpost in the Pegasus Galaxy, was worried because he thought he might be gay and in love with Doctor Rodney McKay, which wasn't bad because John was prejudiced or anything, but because he knew that Rodney was as Straight as could be, where John felt as gay as possible for him.
11. Sarah Connor felt her frozen heart melting and long-dormant emotions reawakening within her bosom as she gazed adoringly at Derek's manly form and realized that after all these years of fighting and running, of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, she had finally found a man to take care of her and keep her safe.
12. Meredith and Rodney McKay were identical, with the same sun-streaked blonde hair, aquamarine eyes, oval faces, crooked smiles, and matching lavaliere necklaces both boys wore, presents from their parents on the twins’ sweet sixteenth birthday.
13. The raven-haired witch with the flashing gray eyes was no more than 16 the first time she stepped across the threshhold of Severus Snape's Potion Palace, but even then the retired Hogwarts professor, still handsome after all these years with dark locks that begged to be combed by another's hand, knew that she was destined to change his life -- if not , indeed, the entire world.
14. After being fucked by Caldwell for three weeks, it occurred to John that maybe he was going about it all wrong and Caldwell wasn't really the problem, much like when you think your nose is itchy and it's really your left arm or the bottom of your foot that needs the scratching.
15. Crouched in the dank cell, Rodney pondered how easily desperation had turned friend into food source.
[Poll #1245994]
The poll closes Monday morning. (Although as you've seen, my definition of morning is apparently fairly loose.) I hope everyone's enjoying the contest so far!
P.S. Sorry about the ads. I had to upgrade to "Plus" in order to make a poll. I'll get rid of the annoying advertising when the contest's through.
The Finalists!
1. To lesbian vampire slayer Satsu, Buffy Summers really was a lot like cookie dough: wet, sticky and impossible not to stay up all night eating.
2. "After an untold number of hours spent staring into the moonlit sea of Lantea, Rodney solemnly vowed to do anything and everything he could to get Colonel Sheppard's--John's--trust back, even if he died in the trying of it."
3. There was a taxi, or something taxi-like, crouched in the corner of his room, and House knew that couldn’t be right, as the pills he’d taken earlier had clearly been labelled, “Does not cause hallucinations involving taxi cabs,” or at least that’s what he thought he remembered them saying, and yet here he was, and there it was, and so, in the end, he called Wilson, because if anyone would know anything about taxi cabs lurking in the corners of one’s room, it would be Wilson, who was an oncologist.
4. As Colonel John Sheppard, military commander of Atlantis and beloved protector of two galaxies, watched the sun rise over the Lantean ocean, the waves glittered like the tears in Rodney McKay's limpid azure eyes the night he left, and the dashing Colonel Sheppard reflected on the events of the past week, finally understanding that the wet, tearing sound he'd thought he heard when Rodney McKay had walked away from him had been the sound of his own heart rending in two, and he resolved that no matter how long it took, or how far he had to travel, he would regain the love of the brilliant scientist and win him back from muscle-bound Satedan warrior who—loving McKay at first sight, as all who saw him did—had, with soft and tender words whose use John Sheppard was too manly to ever master, lured him far away to his fortress of seduction among the Pegasian stars.
5. Ray sat in the bullpen and ran the razor-blade despairingly along his arm as he wondered how a balding, big-nosed Polack with too many sisters and a black GTO could ever hope to win the affections of a mighty-thewed red-coated right-maintaining true-hearted Canadian piece of man-meat like Constable Renfield Turnbull.
6. Lorne looked himself over in the mirror one final time—anxious that his carefully slicked back hair, loafers worn without socks, the turquoise tank top, the pegged white trousers, would all complement his muscular 5"9 frame and his eyes that were the colour of the Pacific Ocean when the ocean is blue green—hoping against hope that Radek would notice him across the crowded mess hall and approve, that he would think Lorne looked as suave and European as some suave European guy.
7. Her golden tresses blew in the wind of eternity, her eyes glowed deep golden brown with true compassion for the universe and her teeth twinkled like stars as the Doctor fell to his knees and swore undying love with tears in his eyes and throbbing emotion in his voice, feeling truly inferior for the first time in his life in front of the incomparable and brilliant Time Lady Rose Tyler.
8. Ronon's eyes devoured Rodney's form as if he was the biggest piece of chocolate cake in the universe and his ass was a pile of heart shaped icing roses just begging to be eaten.
9. "How bad can it possibly be," David said as he clicked on the folder on the computer labeled 'McShep-fanfic'.
10. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, commander of Atlantis, a military outpost in the Pegasus Galaxy, was worried because he thought he might be gay and in love with Doctor Rodney McKay, which wasn't bad because John was prejudiced or anything, but because he knew that Rodney was as Straight as could be, where John felt as gay as possible for him.
11. Sarah Connor felt her frozen heart melting and long-dormant emotions reawakening within her bosom as she gazed adoringly at Derek's manly form and realized that after all these years of fighting and running, of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, she had finally found a man to take care of her and keep her safe.
12. Meredith and Rodney McKay were identical, with the same sun-streaked blonde hair, aquamarine eyes, oval faces, crooked smiles, and matching lavaliere necklaces both boys wore, presents from their parents on the twins’ sweet sixteenth birthday.
13. The raven-haired witch with the flashing gray eyes was no more than 16 the first time she stepped across the threshhold of Severus Snape's Potion Palace, but even then the retired Hogwarts professor, still handsome after all these years with dark locks that begged to be combed by another's hand, knew that she was destined to change his life -- if not , indeed, the entire world.
14. After being fucked by Caldwell for three weeks, it occurred to John that maybe he was going about it all wrong and Caldwell wasn't really the problem, much like when you think your nose is itchy and it's really your left arm or the bottom of your foot that needs the scratching.
15. Crouched in the dank cell, Rodney pondered how easily desperation had turned friend into food source.
[Poll #1245994]
The poll closes Monday morning. (Although as you've seen, my definition of morning is apparently fairly loose.) I hope everyone's enjoying the contest so far!
P.S. Sorry about the ads. I had to upgrade to "Plus" in order to make a poll. I'll get rid of the annoying advertising when the contest's through.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:17 pm (UTC)I think I've already read that one. And the Remix.
5. "I love you -- I love everyone," said John.
See, I have to know what in hell's name could break John to that degree.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:54 pm (UTC)14. After being fucked by Caldwell for three weeks, it occurred to John that maybe he was going about it all wrong and Caldwell wasn't really the problem, much like when you think your nose is itchy and it's really your left arm or the bottom of your foot that needs the scratching.
which, sadly, was not an option in that particular question. (DEEP DEEP SHAME. REALLY.)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:59 pm (UTC)*hangs head*
*koff*
I could probably be tempted by no 14 too.
I'm also intrgued by no 4 - who writes 156 word open sentence with that many subclauses!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 09:59 pm (UTC)[unpopular fandom opinion]I'm glad SGA is getting a good sendoff and isn't forced to outstay it's welcome like SG1 kinda did.[/UFO]
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:03 pm (UTC)And I mean both of these.
/donthitme
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:05 pm (UTC)How are they all so brilliant?
Date: 2008-08-21 10:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:44 pm (UTC)(perhaps the rest of the world should be scared, though?)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:46 pm (UTC)Philip Roth. His would be a lot less gay, though.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:58 pm (UTC)I also loved the House/taxi one, but I eventually decided it was too entertaining to be truly bad.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 10:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:07 pm (UTC)...there have been worse reasons to write a fic, right? Right?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:43 pm (UTC)I think that's supposed to be McKay Sweet Valley High. Either way: yes, you--all of us--should be very ashamed. ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-21 11:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-22 12:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-08-22 12:34 am (UTC)We do have to write this. How would it happen?
*fishes around blindly for ideas*