Fannish Bulwer-Lytton -- The Winners!

And in a landslide victory, our GRAND PRIZE WINNER is:

As Colonel John Sheppard, military commander of Atlantis and beloved protector of two galaxies, watched the sun rise over the Lantean ocean, the waves glittered like the tears in Rodney McKay's limpid azure eyes the night he left, and the dashing Colonel Sheppard reflected on the events of the past week, finally understanding that the wet, tearing sound he'd thought he heard when Rodney McKay had walked away from him had been the sound of his own heart rending in two, and he resolved that no matter how long it took, or how far he had to travel, he would regain the love of the brilliant scientist and win him back from muscle-bound Satedan warrior who—loving McKay at first sight, as all who saw him did—had, with soft and tender words whose use John Sheppard was too manly to ever master, lured him far away to his fortress of seduction among the Pegasian stars. —zillah975

Congratulations! You will get the first choice of prize and the scorn and ridicule respect and admiration of all!

SECOND PLACE:

To lesbian vampire slayer Satsu, Buffy Summers really was a lot like cookie dough: wet, sticky and impossible not to stay up all night eating. —spazatron

THIRD PLACE:

There was a taxi, or something taxi-like, crouched in the corner of his room, and House knew that couldn’t be right, as the pills he’d taken earlier had clearly been labelled, “Does not cause hallucinations involving taxi cabs,” or at least that’s what he thought he remembered them saying, and yet here he was, and there it was, and so, in the end, he called Wilson, because if anyone would know anything about taxi cabs lurking in the corners of one’s room, it would be Wilson, who was an oncologist. —roaringmice

FIRST RUNNER UP:

Ronon's eyes devoured Rodney's form as if he was the biggest piece of chocolate cake in the universe and his ass was a pile of heart shaped icing roses just begging to be eaten. —archae_ology

SECOND RUNNER UP:

Sarah Connor felt her frozen heart melting and long-dormant emotions reawakening within her bosom as she gazed adoringly at Derek's manly form and realized that after all these years of fighting and running, of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, she had finally found a man to take care of her and keep her safe. —marinarusalka

In the order listed above, please pick from these prizes! (I will comment to let you know when it's your turn.)

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell — Claimed by zillah975

Jesuit priests in space! This is an amazing, heart-breaking book.

Master and Commander by Patrick O'Brian — Claimed by roaringmice

The first book in one of the best series of all time. Jack + Stephen = JOY (as they themselves often say).

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold — Claimed by archae_ology

Not my favorite Bujold, but this first book in her first major fantasy series is still incredibly well-plotted and clever.

The Inn at Lake Devine by Elinor Lipman

My favorite "chick lit" book, this novel features a great culture-clash romance. I'm sorry to say that the copy I have is flawed: it's missing a tiny chunk from the first page, but the omitted words have been written in the margin by me, making this copy no doubt extremely valuable once I inevitably become famous. *cough*

J.D. Salinger Two-Pack! — Claimed by spazatron

You get a copy of both Franny and Zooey and Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters & Seymour: an Introduction. You are highly encouraged to seek out Nine Stories on your own. ;-)

THANK YOU ALL FOR PLAYING!

OMG.

Could the Obama girls be any more adorable? *flails*

Also, I would like to be Michelle when I grow up. Seriously.

Go, America, go! \o/