if there is a problem with it, it is with the line breaks. if you aren't aware of where they ought to break, then it isn't going to work. there is a certain feeling to a line break. and i don't know how to explain it. when i write a poem, there is a certain flow to it in my head. did you just take the lines from what you had already written, or did you rewrite it entirely?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-05 12:04 am (UTC)did you just take the lines from what you had already written, or did you rewrite it entirely?