SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest -- Results!

[trinityofone]

Grand Prize Winner:

"Oh, yes! Joh --- ahhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh aaaaahhh ahhhh aaaaahhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhhhh ahhhhh aaaaaahhhh ahhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhh SPLAT" went Rodney, as John fucked him over the balcony, his monster orgrasm changing from ultimate pleasure to ultimate horror as the ten thousand year old structure collapsed, sending them both hurtling into the blue-green ocean, to be subsumed by the waves, much like the Atlantis they'd once thought legendary -- legendary like the love he and John shared, but all too real. —hyperfocused

Congratulations! You will get the first choice of prize and the respect and admiration of all!

RUNNERS-UP

The morning Elizabeth conducted her monthly breast self-examination in the comfortable, Ancient-designed shower, it was to be the beginning of a long, heroic and life-changing struggle that would touch everyone she met. —vassilissa

The great thing about being in love with Rodney, John thought happily as he walked through Atlantis' halls, hailing all those he passed by with a cheery smile and greeting, was that Rodney was all the things that women weren't; intelligent and sensible-- "Oh, hi Elizabeth!" -- physically strong and firmly muscled-- "Excuse me, Teyla!" -- blunt and direct, not weepy or sentimental-- "Afternoon, Lt. Cadman!" -- able to take control in the bedroom-- "Mara, what are you doing on Atlantis? Stop following me!" -- in fact, as John had lately discovered, Rodney was superior to any woman who had ever existed, simply by virtue of being a man. —liviapenn

Rodney rubbed his throbbing manhood, his eyes raking over the smorgasbord that was John's body; all long, lythe legs; dark, curly, hirsuit chest; nubs alert in anticipation of what he, Rodney, scientist and racconteur extraordinaire would do with his miraculous tongue once he'd finished explaining the importance of Canadian theatre ("re" because he was Canadian, eh?) to the New York stage, as if John cared, the bloody philistine. —roaringmice

Legolas was the best lover that Rodney McKay had EVER had. —pandarus

Rodney sobbed into his pillow. —wolfshark

In the order listed above, you can pick from the remaining prizes.

(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Rodney," John said sincerely as he held his lover after an evening of sex which was hot and sweaty and manly but not, you know, in a gross, icky way, "I think we've reached a point in this relationship where we should talk about our feelings." —siriaeve

The arrival of Alyssyynn Ravenwing Adoracion Liraelle Snape Xavier-Lehnsherr Kirk, tossing her beautiful luxuriant auburn hair out of her iridiscent silvery purple eyes, sent the whole of Atlantis into a ferment of love surpassed only by the joyful reaction to the news that Teyla was about to carry out the traditional Athosian ceremony (as passed down from the mighty Ancients but obviously not that evil bitch Chaya, perhaps it was Janus' idea because I like him and he was kind of hot, you know?) to eternally bind together the twin souls of John Sheppard and his darling Roddykins, sadistic scourge of the Science department and frequent tear-inducer in the Marines - not because they were weak or effeminate, but because his grasp of scathing insults like "did you get your degree from Clown College" was so shattering to their egos that they simply could not withstand the pain - surpassed, as I say, only by that, because everyone adored Liri (as she liked to be known) so wholeheartedly that all the couples and threesomes in the city broke up (except for Johnny and Roddy, of course) in order to spend more time caring for her and doing their best to fulfil her every whim, whether it be for something as minor as the remote for Jumper One (previously John's favourite, but even he could not withstand the sight of the crystalline tears in her limpid argent pools) or as major as the brand-new ZPM, which Rodney handed over to her happily just before she left through the wormhole, crying, "Ha ha, suckers!". —wychwood

Everyone on Atlantis was buzzing with excitement over President Bush's visit. —world_president

"Why do I never see these things coming, " John thought frantically as he felt the telltale tingle of the ancient converter beam transforming his body into yet another alien form, hoping that this time he wouldn't be covered in fur as he remembered when he and Rodney had temporarily become cute fluffy bunnies that the nurses, both male and female, couldn't seem to stop petting, not that he minded being petted but Rodney had complained for a week that if he was going to be turned into something fuzzy why couldn't he at least be a cat, but the bunnies were nothing compared to the time when he'd been turned into a panda bear and couldn't stop craving the Pegasus version of bamboo for weeks after he'd returned to human form or the occasion he'd become a cross between an eagle and a hawk that was the color of a canary but the flying had been cool and some days he still missed that but, of course, of all the things the glowing devices had turned him into over the years this was by far the worst, eclipsing the time when their entire team had been turned into a pack of ravenous ligers (Ford's disastrous attempt to name the lion/tiger hybrid), the two weeks spent as drooling dragons, or the memorable occasion when he and Rodney had morphed into penguins, the chance to have sex in public almost being worth the teasing that followed for a month after, but even more annoyingly Rodney still hadn't let up about the time John had become a pseudo chia pet, jokes about his hair apparently never got old (neither did the Kirk jokes come to think of it and those were even more annoying) but even that experience paled in comparison to becoming an inanimate object, there really wasn't anything in the universe like discovering you'd been turned into a pumpkin just after the Daedalus had arrived with a barrel of whipped cream and it being near Thanksgiving back on Earth, the combination of factors being a much more dangerous fate than being a pumpkin sounded like at first blush, but all in all John supposed he should be grateful he'd never been turned into a quivering pile of lemon jello or a flying spaghetti monster, but it was the Pegasus Galaxy and therefore most probably only a matter of time before that happened, but he put off worrying about the future in favor of wishing with all his might that Rodney could fix this quickly because being a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater really, really sucked. —silver_cyanne

Ronon thought John Shepard's nipples were the prettiest rosebuds he'd ever seen. —rashaka

"I have returned so that you may teach me more of this thing you Earthlings call 'love', John Sheppard," Chaya said, her wide brown eyes promising pleasures even more delicious than the chocolate candies they resembled... —bruinsfan

" ... And I was like, whatever, Ronon, you sooo don't know what you're talking about," Teyla whined. —littlemousling

Renowned scientist and chief science officer Rodney McKay staggered into John Sheppard's bedroom, out of breath and red-faced, so John knew that the time had come for their relationship to go deeper. —graycastle

Teyla's glittering russet hair flashed in the light breeze as she angrily tossed her head; although he had been sent to assist with the harvest, that great graceless hulk of a marine called Bates had done little more than help Teyla's mind into a furor and her loins into a pillar of flame. —cincodemaygirl

Y’all can have drabbles/ficlets from me if you want ‘em. Comment and request!

And now…

THE PRIZES!

The Battleship Boy’s First Step Upward by Frank Gee Patchin —Claimed by vassilissa

Novel “for young boys” from the 1940s. lamardeuse actually inspired me to pick this with her Dave Dawson posts. I’m not sure if this novel is actually gayer, but it certainly lends itself to be: it’s about sailors. And OMG, you should see the cover. The focus is two sailors’ asses and a giant cannon. (I’ll try to post a picture when I get home.)



What Do You Care What Other People Think? by Richard P. Feynman

Feynman was a Nobel Prize-winning physicist who worked at CalTech. I loooooove him. He’s like the man Rodney could one day be: snarky, brilliant (but still caring underneath). And he played the bongos. Dude, BONGOS.

Fermat’s Last Theorem by Amir D. Aczel

An account of the proving of Fermat’s Last Theorem in 1993. It’s supposed to be a captivating, readable book about math, but it would still probably go over my head. *shame*

Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot —Claimed by roaringmice

As everyone—possibly?—knows, Eliot is my favorite poet, and Four Quarters was so named in an allusion to Four Quartets. The poem “The Dry Salvages” was also an inspiration for both me and wychwood.

Orlando by Virginia Woolf —Claimed by liviapenn

Classic genderfuck. I almost don’t have to say anything more. However, I should point out that if you read this, you may finally figure out what I’m on about with all this Sergeant Shelmerdine business.

A World to Conquer: The Epic Story of the First Around-the-World Flight by Ernest A. McKay —Claimed by hyperfocused

Okay, so it’s a book about planes by some guy named McKay. I am a dork. But the book has pretty pretty pictures!

(So, hyperfocused should start us off by telling me which prize she wants, and then vassilissa, and so on. If it’s your turn, I’ll comment and remind you.)

THANKS FOR PLAYING, EVERYONE!