THE HORROR
Dec. 21st, 2006 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityofoneSo after the post I made last night, I was thinking, y'know, it's really not that nice to make fun of Absent Roommate. Not really at all in keeping with the Christmas spirit. Far better for me to...HOLY SHIT SHE MOVED ALL MY STUFF AROUND WITHOUT ASKING ME AND THREW AWAY ALL MY LUNCHBAGS THAT H0R!
Ahem. So yeah, I got back from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chele74's to discover that AR (please note that the 'A' can also stand for 'Annoying') had "redecorated." Which is irritating no matter what, but which is driving me especially bonkers because AR has THE WORST TASTE OF ANY HUMAN BEING EVER. As I told trobadora, AR's idea of a charming design accent is a fake dead bird lying limply on the table. Don't believe me? I brought photographic evidence:
First, here is my bookcase. I had to beg her to allow her to let me put up a bookcase on a blank stretch of wall in the living room because she'd "been thinking of putting a loveseat there." ("She's been saying that for TWO YEARS," Cool Roommate informed me.) Finally, AR agreed (and thank God, because I already have, um, five bookcases in my bedroom and not an inch of space more). But now look what she's done to the poor thing:
WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?
A closer look:
Oh. Oh. It's fake holly and the WORLD'S UGLIEST FAMILY OF CAROLLERS who are going to be STARING at me now if I dare venture into the living room to get something to read. Jesus Christ.
But wait, there's more! Here's what AR thought was more important to have on the kitchen counter than my butter dish and the box of Barry's teasiriaeve gave me:
I just...is that toad the result of a massive chemical spill? What did that little dog/reindeer creature do to deserve such punishment? Also: note the dead bird.
Speaking of dead birds, the one that used to lie about the living room like a relic from the Bates Motel has since been spirited away and replaced by...
...a giant red Christmas turd. But don't worry, when one dead bird disappears, another arrives to take its place!
This one is actually less scary than the one that used to be on the lovely fake marble endtable pictured above, as that one wasn't posed, but rather lay on its side like it had recently been mauled by one of CR's cats. But still. STILL.
Finally, despite AR's love of tacky shit, she has very peculiar opinions of what should be allowed up on the walls. She won't let me or CR hang up any art in the living room—our shared space, remember. The one wall decoration in the entire room? Voila:
Was our apartment the site of Miss Havisham's last Christmas party 30 years ago? WHAT THE HELL?
CR says AR is leaving in two days. I can last two days...I think.
In the meantime, here is an excellent distraction: bad romance novel covers, snarked upon. I haven't even made it through all ten pages yet, and I've nearly died of hilarity several times. There's even a (far too small) gay romance section. Check out the two guys who look like they're eating each other!
Ahem. So yeah, I got back from
chele74's to discover that AR (please note that the 'A' can also stand for 'Annoying') had "redecorated." Which is irritating no matter what, but which is driving me especially bonkers because AR has THE WORST TASTE OF ANY HUMAN BEING EVER. As I told trobadora, AR's idea of a charming design accent is a fake dead bird lying limply on the table. Don't believe me? I brought photographic evidence:First, here is my bookcase. I had to beg her to allow her to let me put up a bookcase on a blank stretch of wall in the living room because she'd "been thinking of putting a loveseat there." ("She's been saying that for TWO YEARS," Cool Roommate informed me.) Finally, AR agreed (and thank God, because I already have, um, five bookcases in my bedroom and not an inch of space more). But now look what she's done to the poor thing:
WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?
A closer look:
Oh. Oh. It's fake holly and the WORLD'S UGLIEST FAMILY OF CAROLLERS who are going to be STARING at me now if I dare venture into the living room to get something to read. Jesus Christ.
But wait, there's more! Here's what AR thought was more important to have on the kitchen counter than my butter dish and the box of Barry's tea
siriaeve gave me:I just...is that toad the result of a massive chemical spill? What did that little dog/reindeer creature do to deserve such punishment? Also: note the dead bird.
Speaking of dead birds, the one that used to lie about the living room like a relic from the Bates Motel has since been spirited away and replaced by...
...a giant red Christmas turd. But don't worry, when one dead bird disappears, another arrives to take its place!
This one is actually less scary than the one that used to be on the lovely fake marble endtable pictured above, as that one wasn't posed, but rather lay on its side like it had recently been mauled by one of CR's cats. But still. STILL.
Finally, despite AR's love of tacky shit, she has very peculiar opinions of what should be allowed up on the walls. She won't let me or CR hang up any art in the living room—our shared space, remember. The one wall decoration in the entire room? Voila:
Was our apartment the site of Miss Havisham's last Christmas party 30 years ago? WHAT THE HELL?
CR says AR is leaving in two days. I can last two days...I think.
In the meantime, here is an excellent distraction: bad romance novel covers, snarked upon. I haven't even made it through all ten pages yet, and I've nearly died of hilarity several times. There's even a (far too small) gay romance section. Check out the two guys who look like they're eating each other!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 06:55 pm (UTC)*pats your shoulder*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 06:55 pm (UTC)What! the! fuck!!!!!!!
Oh my God, relative of Norman Bates was stating it mildly. Get out of there while you still can!
Now my eyeballs need a good bleach.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:12 pm (UTC)...I'll go to bed armed.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 06:55 pm (UTC)i am so, so sorry.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:13 pm (UTC)and have sex with Rodney.(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 06:56 pm (UTC)Incidentally, the Christmas turd looks more like a Christmas buttplug to me, but either way I'm horrified.
I will call you later today.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:18 pm (UTC)Aww. Good snark is the only thing that keeps me going!
Incidentally, the Christmas turd looks more like a Christmas buttplug to me
OMG, yes. And check out (http://trinityofone.livejournal.com/110154.html?thread=4307530#t4307530) the further discoveries that
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:03 pm (UTC)I'm horrified on your behalf. I'm also amazed that people actually make that sort of stuff.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:26 pm (UTC)I'm also amazed that people actually make that sort of stuff.
And people buy it! It BOGGLES THE MIND.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:03 pm (UTC)GAHHH.
On the other hand, nice selection of books on the bookshelf there, which of you do they belong to? If they're hers I'm going to have to despair.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:08 pm (UTC)Words could never convey the true horror. Really.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:07 pm (UTC)I refuse, however, to believe that any actual adult would pay actual money for such things. lalalalalalala
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:20 pm (UTC)(Oh God, the carollers. :(()
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:33 pm (UTC)Whaaaaaaaa?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 07:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 09:17 pm (UTC)o.O
Date: 2006-12-21 08:35 pm (UTC)DEAR GOD IT'S ALL HIDEOUS. And cluttery and tacky and the sprig on the wall *slays* me with the completely inappropriate size for its setting. My compulsive disorder is commanding me to crawl through the interweb tubes and rip it down.
::scrabbles fingernails on monitor trying to make it go away::
Re: o.O
Date: 2006-12-21 10:11 pm (UTC)Gak. Do you think Dean can come and kill it all REALLY DEAD?
Re: o.O
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:36 pm (UTC)Re: the evil carolers.
1.) Tie toy to string.
2.) Engage cat in lively game of chase-the-toy.
3.) Quite accidentally, trail toy across top of bookshelf.
That should do it!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 10:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 08:37 pm (UTC)Maybe you should see if you can get her onto one of those home makeover programmes? It would be a mercy!
PS Did you ever photograph the Tokyo Drift poster?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 09:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 09:07 pm (UTC)Tis disturbing. Especially since I have the exact same plant. I like to think mine is more tasteful.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 09:16 pm (UTC)Is your plant real? Because this one? Fake like a fake plastic thing!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 09:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 10:32 pm (UTC)Or maybe just a sign above our doorway: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 10:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 10:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 11:09 pm (UTC)I didn't miss the point, however, and I understand all to well the pain of having a housemate who has their own way of doing things THAT MUST BE OBEYED OMG. >.<
The poor Reindeer creature >:(
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-21 11:51 pm (UTC)http://www.likesbooks.com/w-results-2000.html
http://www.likesbooks.com/w-results-2001.html
http://www.likesbooks.com/coverballot/2002/WO-results-2002.html
http://www.likesbooks.com/WO-results-2003.html
http://www.likesbooks.com/coverballot/2004/WO-results-2004.html
:D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-12-22 02:49 am (UTC)