That one time I toked pot several years after college.

[trinityofone]

Lost my pot virginity this weekend. Was it the lovely, tender experience I had always dreamt of? Eh, not so much. Like most things of this type, I have always been shy and reluctant to give it up. False starts of the past include:

1. A guy I dated in college who really wanted me to smoke with him, mostly because he seemed to think it would inspire me to do other things with him. I wisely declined.

2. The time spazatron ate my pot brownie.

3. The time siriaeve and I decided that we wanted to have that one time we smoked pot in college while we were still in college; after quickly determining that neither one of us knew where to acquire the necessaries in Dublin, we had a nice cuppa instead.

However, now that I am so very much older and wiser, I am also much more well-connected. I still hang out with a bunch of my coworkers from The Job From Hell, and when one of them suggested that we get together this weekend, partake of some wacky tobaccy, and go see the Harold & Kumar sequel, I was totally on board. But things didn’t go exactly as planned.

First of, desires shifted and we ended up deciding to see Iron Man instead, as I was the only one who’d already been. And the joints I thought we would be enjoying turned out to be a bong. I AM NOT A FAN OF THE BONG. I kept burning my thumb on the lighter, I twice overestimated my lung capacity and ended up nearly choking, and the smoke really burned my throat and made we wretch. R. was very sweet with me (I think he was secretly horrified when he discovered it was my first time—“I’m not sure I want to be responsible for destroying your innocence”), but I felt like an idiot, to the point that I felt the need to loudly and repeatedly call “NARC!” on myself. (Fitting: my father, who works on COPS and JAIL, just brought me back a New Jersey Narcotics Agents t-shirt—yes, I am always getting stuff like this when he goes away on business; I think I have more random government agency swag than some government agencies.)

So anyway, we passed the bong around N.’s living room for a while, a Top Chef marathon playing in the background. This did give us the opportunity to indulge in some clichéd stoner dialogue:

(A commercial for Kraft cheese, featuring a woman swiftly advancing through nine months of pregnancy, airs.)
Me: I’m not the only one who thinks that pregnancy is, like, really creepy, right?
B: Everything, like all the systems of the human body—it’s all creepy.
R: Right, ‘cause we’re really, like, just a bunch cells interacting with each other. That’s all we are.
(Pause.)
N, B, & Me: (Uncontrollable giggles)
R: What?

After some extensive and much dithered-over preparation, which included N. secreting an entire liter of Coke in her purse, we finally managed to get out of the house to walk to the movie theater. It was a good 15-20 minute walk, and N. spent the entire time laughing uncontrollably. Personally, I was trying very hard to analyze how I was feeling, presumably so I could use the experience later in writing. (I spend way too much time thinking this way.) The weirdest thing was that my head felt relatively clear, but when I tried to speak, everything came out jumbled. It was actually kind of scary, as the interjection of “witty” remarks is pretty much the only thing I have to add to any social gathering. (Yes, I am the Chandler.) I didn’t like the feeling that there was some kind of massive disconnect between my brain and my mouth. No wonder Rodney ate an entire loaf of white bread; then he wouldn’t have to freak himself out with his own incoherent babble.

My high, such as it was, didn’t help the movie-going experience any, either. I know people like to watch movies stoned—it’s supposed to very much improve some of them, in fact. *cough2001cough* It didn’t do anything for Iron Man. This is a movie I really loved clear-headed, but on this viewing I just felt disconnected; the pot made it seem like all the actors’ timing was suddenly off. I’m just not sure I can endorse anything that makes Iron Man less awesome.

We finally stumbled back to N.’s, and thence home. I figured I’d sleep it off, but, weakling that I am, I actually spent much of Sunday feeling incredibly lethargic and fuzzy-headed. All in all, I think I prefer getting drunk—alcohol at least tastes good. Still, I’m glad that I had this experience—from a scientific perspective, I found it quite valuable. (I’m sure Rodney would agree.) And I’d be willing to try again with a joint/a brownie spazatron didn’t ingest. Me and bongs, though—I think we’re done. Sorry, bongs: I’m just not that into you.

Feel free to share your own wacky drug stories; I’m sure they are more interesting than mine.

Comments

[slodwick.livejournal.com]

Man, the first time I tried to get high, NOTHING HAPPENED. I was so pissed off. Luckily, I corrected that shortly thereafter. Also, BONGS SUCK. Ditto pipes. I much preferred a straight-up joint, back when such things mattered to me. :)

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I was really worried that was going to happen—it would have been so anti-climatic. As it was, I don't think I was very stoned—or else I just don't have a very fun reaction to it. Darn it. When will I find the drug that, like, makes me really cool?

[slodwick.livejournal.com]

Dude, have you tried cheesing (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cheesing)? I've heard that's what all the cool kids are doing. *nods*

[siria]

Oh my god, I was eating /o\

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

You're going to use this as further evidence of the evilness of cheese, aren't you?

[siria]

Is there such a thing as the sanctity of cheese, I ask you? No, no there is not. Ergo, cheese is evil, QED, BBC.

[orwhoeveriam.livejournal.com]

cheese is evil. it's an undeniable fact. *nods*

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

WHY DID I CLICK THE LINK WHY WHY

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

I also should have known better...

And all I have to say to what's under that link is 'EW!'

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

ok.

that's just wrong :-/

[an-kayoh.livejournal.com]

All of my drug experiences have prescripted - the most fun one being the time I was in Japan, out of my mind on cold meds, watching a Kabuki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabuki) performance, and convinced that my head was sideways.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I actually have such bizarre body chemistry that I can get kind of loopy from antihistamines. However, I don't think this shall every be considered cool. ;-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

In what way do you think the effect of a joint or brownie will be different?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Well, both of those are less likely to lacerate my throat. Also, I think I would have difficulty burning my thumb on a brownie, unless I am o'erhasty taking the pan out of the oven.

[jessikast]

I have heard that the effects when one consumes pot in, say, a delicious brownie or cake, are longer lasting - they take a bit longer to kick in, but because your body is processing it differently, it is a much longer high.

Not necessarily always a good thing - my girlfriend describes the time they had cake and she spend several hours saying "Oh god oh god please let me come down I promise I'll be good let me come down."

(I, too, am a pot virgin. The gf keeps threatening to buy some for me, but I never get around to it. I also have never even tried a cigarette, and have never got around to trying the whole drinking-until-you-pass-out-and/or-vomit. I am so TAME.)

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have heard you have to be very, very careful with brownies, because it's easy to think, "This isn't having any effect!" and eat more and more and then the world starts spinning and doesn't stop for a week. I'm pretty sure that's what happened to that cop and his wife who called 911 on themselves because they thought they were dying. Too much pot brownie goodness!

[cynicatlantis.livejournal.com]

Wordy McWord. A friend of mine makes pot cupcakes out of this awesome mudcake mix (she goes all out, too: even puts pot in the frosting, and little biohazard symbols in yellow icing on top. She's a regular narcotics Martha Stewart). She made some really potent ones for a party a few months back.... hooo boy.

About an hour after I had one it kicked in - I was in the middle of giving someone advice on a PC issue (yes, I'm a geek) when the whole world kinda went *click... whiiirrrrrr....iris out*, everything went real slow, and I had to sit down for a bit. The rest of the evening went kinda like this:

Me: *giggle*
Other people: Let's go for a walk!
Me: 'Kay!
Us: *go for walk*
Me: *buys Pringles*
Other people: You know you're totally following the stoner stereotype, right?
Me: Shaddup, I'm embracing it.
Us: *steal a 3m long sign and take it back to the party*
Us: We bought you a present!
Hostess: Arg! I saw that, I don't want it!
Us: But it's preeeeeeetty!
Hostess: *is practiced in the art of dealing with stoned people* *sigh* Just put it over there.
Time: *passes*
Me: *is poured into a cab in the wee hours of the morning*

Moral of the story is - Be Careful With The Cakes.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

I tried pot once in college. It made my mouth taste funny, and otherwise did nothing cool. I really have no interest in getting high. Does that make me weird?

Word on the drunk = good, though. Yay for alcohol. Particularly if it tastes all fruity.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Fruity drinks = FTW!

And I don't think you're weird. Many, in fact, would call you sensible!

Also, while all this was going on, B. reported once passing out from hookah smoking. I thought this would amuse you.

[turtlespeaks.livejournal.com]

LOL I told you mine in person.

Feeling better now though right? :)

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Mostly just tired. Got up early to go to dentist this morning, dentist did not fix tooth. WTF?

More detailed complaints await you at home! I bet you're psyched!

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

pot's always different according to the actual plant, too, or if it's hash or whatev. So you have a range of experience ahead if you really wanna -some weed is way more giggly, some more intense-- and of course people are all different.

You know what I really take away from this?

(Yes, I am the Chandler.)

For some reason, I really love this parenthetical thing - the brackets, the syntax, all of it. *endeared*

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

Bongs are such a pain in the ass. I already have suck ass lungs, and trying to smoke out of one always fucking kills me. I can't say that watching Iron Man high would have helped any, no. Try watching say, the original Willy Wonka.

I'm trying to think of a good drug story for you. I cut my thumb open once when I was at work, and was laughing at the blood. That was funny. Um, we once climbed down into a fucking drainage ditch to get high. I guess I don't really have any, normally when I'm stoned I just do what I normally do.

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

Bongs suck. Give me a joint or a cake any day.

I've smoked way too much of this stuff over the years, I can tell you. For both recreational and medicinal reasons...

[delwyncole.livejournal.com]

Only ever done this in brownie form. It did last for a small eternity as someone above pointed out. I haven't ever really had the desire to get high again. Like you, my thoughts seemed perfectly normal and rational, but somehow what was coming out of my mouth just wasn't. I didn't like that, not at all.

Alcohol is much better, especially when you're me and have yet to find the throw up or pass out limit, and almost never gets a hangover either.

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

Bongs, you have to watch those fingers..seriously, and rolling, you can always tell someone on TV or Movies if they've really done it..let me tell you there are a few people on TV I've seen roll on shows that have to be experts, just because they roll like a friend of mine does and let me tell you..they know their stuff, I'll be watching a show and I'll say, "Damn they roll just like (insert name of friend) there is no way they don't do it in real life."

Watch Old School stoned..you'll die from laughing.

[ebrooklynw.livejournal.com]

Like Korax, I told you mine in person.

Sorry about burning your thumb. This is generally why I have a lighter buddy while getting high. After all, I did almost set the couch on fire that last time.

[wishingwell.livejournal.com]

Your experience really isn't out of the norm for most people I've talked to about their Very Special First Time.

My first time was at a field party in high school right after awards night. (We devised a drinking game based on cords/awards/scholarships/pins. Not surprisingly, our West Point bound girl got wasted pretty quickly.) It was an awesome night, until I decided to try a joint and got really paranoid. A) I was wearing a heart monitor at the time and I thought the doctor would be able to spot an anomaly, and B) I suddenly had visions of cops raiding the house and arresting half of the IB programme days before graduation.

Every time after that was okay. The last time I smoked I went home and watched the repeat first air of "Common Ground," and I could not remember anything about it the next morning. I've had no desire since then.

[taosterman.livejournal.com]

Pot is great for really simple, sentimental but deep movies or ones where the plot takes second fiddle to the visuals. Big-budget superhero movies don't really benefit from that disconnect.

[taurenova.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I have no awesome drug stories. I've not partaken of drugs, I never drink (and have never drunk) and I don't smoke the ol' deathsticks either.

I'm a disturbingly normal person as far as everyone I know is concerned.

I am, however, amused by the fact that you clearly approached the whole pot-smoking experience from a Rodneyish angle. I have the feeling that I'd be the same should I ever lose my iron will and give in to someone who's trying to get me high.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

I’ve never tried a bong; usually I’m taking a drag from a pipe or joint that’s being handed around. I had some pot brownies once but I was also drinking that evening, so I can’t accurately report on the effects.

Once, in college, I got to watch Keith Olbermann light up, which was interesting. Not a bad dancer, either.

[tropes.livejournal.com]

My brother and I are both allergic to the pot. He projectile vomits, and I kind of fall over and my vision goes black with like this neon green spirograph-looking thing twisting in front of my eyes instead. First time it happened they found me in the bathroom. We thought the pot was laced or something but it kept happening so.

SPECIAL MOMENTS.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

:sigh: the only time I did it, I was starving when I walked into the party and had three slices of the cake which was liberally doused. Apparently the only effect was exactly the same as me on a lot of sugar or hydrogenated fat - I bounced around the room, talked rather fast, and that was it. (workmates have been known to feed me Krispy Kremes just to piss off and scare the boss while they sit back and snicker) And since I can't smoke anything due to my lungs, I think that's going to be my only experience. Oh well.

[orwhoeveriam.livejournal.com]

huh, maybe i'm the only person who prefers bongs. somehow with pipes i always end up with like bits of pot in my mouth. probably i was doing it wrong or something.
i'm not a huge fan of pot though. mostly because when i did it, it was mostly with my sister and her stoner friends, and they'd try to get me to smoke the same amount as them, and i'd be be like stoned out of my mind, and they'd be a little buzzed.
plus i'm a lightweight with anything but painkillers, oddly. so i can get plenty intoxicated on not much booze.

[jade-dragoness.livejournal.com]

I also have no stories about drugs, as I don't smoke or drink.

Hell, when my family has get togethers for Thanksgiving or Christmas there's always a bottle of sparkling apple cider for me.

People, who I've told of my teetotaler status give me freaked out looks. Then I tell them that my addictions are for reading, coffee and chocolate. Which usually relaxes them.

I've actually had someone ask what was wrong with me that I didn't smoke, do drugs or drink. *snorts with laughter* I had to resist the urge to tell them, jokingly of course, that I was a serial killer. *evil laughter*

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

I'm so old that I cannot remember the first time I toked, but I do remember the last time. It was in 1979 and, though I didn't realize it at the time, I was in the process of leaving my first husband. So I got loaded to fight the depression. I remember that I was extremely aware of the world beneath me, and that it was turning; I felt I was about to roll off.

That's why it was my last time, too. But I had some good times! I had a girlfriend who kept her stash in different jars labeled things like "laughing," "thoughtful," and "energizing." And I have to admit that, when I was with her, the labels seemed to be accurate.

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

Re: labels? LOL!

I have friends who grow medicinal mj and they've developed strains that are more effective on particular illness/needs.

A loooong way from the old $10 lid with stems and seeds... that you don't need... Acapulco gold is bad ass weed... sorry... channeling :p

[sarren.livejournal.com]

I’m just not sure I can endorse anything that makes Iron Man less awesome.

Well, clearly.


I have, in the past, watched 2001 several times whilst stoned, because my stoner mate claims it's brilliant. I wouldn't know. My only memory is about the third time thinking 'Woah, awesome', while having the complete certainty that nothing was being recorded into my brain.

[mandysbitch.livejournal.com]

I don't know about movies, but I used to watch commercials and late night music videos while stoned and MAN that was some crazy stuff! Today I'm still not sure whether they relegated the really weird commercials to late night television or whether it was just the pot. These days I never stay up late enough to find out.

I can't say being stoned has ever enhanced my movie experience... I mean no amount of drugs could have made Zabriskie Point a good movie, I don't care who or what it was made for. But in the end I think I just smoked so much pot I couldn't tell the difference anymore. When I reviewed movies for the radio I got free passes to the media screenings on a Saturday morning. I still say a fresh brain and a weekend ahead is *the* way to ensure a good review every time.

[geeklite.livejournal.com]

Smoking pot gives me a migraine and makes me feel like throwing up. I am not a fan ;)

(Also I had an unmedicated violent schizo neighbour who was constantly stoned and he'd occasionally do stuff like threaten me with a knife or try to climb in the window of my kitchen. He reeked of smoke so I even hate the smell on other people now).

[20thcenturyvole.livejournal.com]

My big sister shared a joint with me, once: it tasted like greasy charcoal, and absolutely nothing happened, so I went "meh" and proceeded to enjoy the evening sober. I like to enjoy things sober. I'm such a square. D:

[ariadne83]

I once met a guy at a club and we exchanged numbers. Met up with him the following weekend and we went over to his friend's house to hang out. He, his friend, and Friend's girlfriend all got completely stoned and started talking about stupid, retarded shit. I checked my watch, and then decided, what the hell and smoked up with them. Subsequently, the room seemed super-bright (it was 9pm) and he and his buddies actually started sounding intelligent... so I bravely ran away

[darcydodo]

You are now officially more experienced than I am. :P

(Also: FIFTEEN DAYS!!!)

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

I have smoked pot three times in my entire life. (I like the effects but... expensive, habit-forming, stinky, hard to find *good* people and fun situations to smoke up in... So it's generally not something I go out of my way to do unless it's actually *happening*, like, despite me, and it's not too much bother to participate.)

The first time, nothing happened. The second and third times, I completely lost my inner monologue, which was awesome. It's like life becomes a montage! I don't remember being less funny; I think it makes me quieter. (Of course, I'm also usually drinking a bit, so I haven't experienced it by *itself.*)

The first and second times I was smoking from a pipe, which bothers my throat a bit-- since I don't smoke I'm not too good at the inhaling thing. The third time was from a HOOKAH, which was awesome. Nothing like ringing in the New Year swigging champagne and learning how to use a hookah. Although it does make it a bit harder to tell when you've had enough. After a while I was all "This isn't doing anything!" and then I went upstairs and was fascinated by my roomie playing Katamari Damacy for like AN HOUR. Also I ate a thousand cookies. Good times.

another oldster reporting in

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

My 1st jay was 1968 (I think :) and nothing... the 2nd a few months later? OMG yeah I was blotto. I'd just got new headphones and listened to music (Jimi Hendrix) for positively hours and was transported!

I was always more of a solitary stoner. (just as I was with hallucinogens) investigating those Doors of Perception, doncha know. I was absolutely NOT keen on going out into a public venue. Although I did enjoy Fantasia (re-released in 1971) in an almost visceral way (via mescaline).

I agree re: alcohol. It's a mixer type drug. But if one is interested in experiences with their own personal reality? I say go for it. (in moderation of course and/or with trusted friends in a safe environment)

That said? neither of my (grown) sons ever showed the least bit of interest and they don't cuss like me either. :)

[fringelement.livejournal.com]

My first time all I got was a nice feeling of relaxation and a good nap. Also the only time I've ever thought cow's milk was delicious.

The second time, I was baked out of my mind - I could feel time moving, feel myself moving through time. I kept being worried that I wouldn't remember what it felt like after I sobered up. Also it felt like all the sound in the room shifted and was coming from about a foot higher than it should have been.

I've only ever used a pipe. And I honestly prefer weed to alcohol.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

Alas, I was never even tempted to try pot. My roommate in college tried every drug she could get her hands on, however, and turned out to be the reason why I was very turned off illicit drugs entirely. Got to witness, first hand, some of the less pleasant things that shit will do to your body and (formerly pleasant) personality. Plus, her second-hand pot smoke used to give me the Migraines from Hell.

So my current drug of choice? Tea. I'll gladly join you as you sip a cuppa...

[in-vulne-rable.livejournal.com]

I know you don't know me but I just came to your journal to see if you'd written any more fic. I heart your fic, specially that SGA crossover you did with I think "His Dark Materials". I'm not sure cause I've never read anything from it. I loved it and demand you write more of it immediately.

Annnyways, don't give up on the drugs just yet, I recently spent a week in Amsterdam with some really good friends, an important aspect for me when drugs are involved, and along with the usual things most visitors do in that city we all tried mushrooms. Now if you don't like pot but would like to try something a little gentler and not with the debilitated speech, I totally recommend them despite the bad taste. I found they made my experience with the weed better, primarily because I was a lot more relaxed than usual (I'm pretty uptight) although I wouldn't recommend mixing the two if you're not comfortable with the idea. They were totally not what I was expecting, not hallucinogenic or anything, they just put me in a really good mood, slightly introspective, but incredibly pleasant. I think it was mainly the fact that you can bring yourself down again any time you like by eating sugar or vitamin C that made me so comfortable, plus there's no sort of fuzzy hangover period. The next day we went out and bought stronger ones which ironically didn't affect me as much.


p.s. you're totally right about the "Life on Mars" remake. It quite literally hurts to watch the ad. If you ever watched the english version of Red Dwarf and then the American one you'd require intensive therapy - the expensive kind.