The mind is its own place...
Dec. 13th, 2005 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityofone...and in itself / Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. --John Milton, Paradise Lost*
Okay, first let me just say: I am GLEE. (TM![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
princess_bunny.) I loved this episode so much. But then, I love Rodney, so. More episodes that are ALL ABOUT HIM? Bring 'em on!
Second, allow me to be arrogant for a moment: I totally called it. I mean, my first fic in this fandom was called Control, and even if there weren't a bagillion other things to love about this ep, I would love it for confirming that I have been reading--and thus writing--Rodney correctly all this time. Baby's all about control--having it, keeping it, needing it. (And so's John, but that's a separate issue.)
Third, I want to try to talk seriously about Rodney's issues, which were on glorious, messy display here. One major realization that I came to seems kind of obvious in retrospect (hindsight’s 20/20, right?): that same voice that Rodney uses to berate his underlings, that voice that screams at them for being idiots, worthless, incompetent--that's the voice that Rodney hears in his own head all the time. Subconsciously (heh) I think I already knew this, but it was shocking to see it so plainly: when he's yelling, "You IDIOT!" at himself; when he's saying, "Can we at least do that, please?" to his inanimate friend, but to himself, too--he's turning his own familiar invective inward, and it's pretty clear that this is always his mental sountrack; we're only just now getting to see and hear it because of his head wound. Rodney is definitely his own best publicity agent, but he's also his own worst critic, and there must be a constant war going on between those two perspectives in that beautiful brain of his. And I think that, besides making it so that DH didn't have to talk to himself for the whole episode, the device of McKay subconsciously splitting himself off into Rodney-Rodney and Sam-Rodney was a really effective way of illustrating this. Rodney is probably constantly engaged in a dozen different arguments--with himself, within his own mind. Part of that, I think, is just the price of being a genius; part of it is something else.
I think that Rodney is secretly an optimist. We saw lots of examples of this in this episode: that he wanted to believe he was actually back in the infirmary, that he wanted to hold onto the idea that hitting the ground was a good thing, even that he didn't think to do what Griffin did--issues of bravery aside, he still thought that he could save both of them. But despite this secret, buried optimism, Rodney is also really, really smart--he comprehends exactly how screwed they are, all the time. This would make looking on the bright side difficult, to say the least. Further, I think he's someone who's had what little rays of optimism he's shown beaten down pretty firmly in the past. Sam is again a good example of this: he sees, quite clearly, how he could win her, how they could work ("We make a good team, you and I"), but--smart boy--he also sees all the flaws in himself that would ruin it, tear it apart, destroy it before it could even take place. (And, if one wanted to get super psycho-analytical about it, destroy it in order that it can never take place, because the relationship that never quite happened is perfect in a way that one that did and failed is not.)
It's interesting to note that Rodney tells hallucination!Sam, "You think what my subconscious tells you to think" right after she lists off his triumvirate of flaws--"you're petty, arrogant, and you treat people badly"--and even rejects his suggestion that "you do find me attractive--physically" with "Let's stick to working on my idea." It seems ridiculous to suggest that Rodney McKay has low self-esteem, but again I think it's a case of him being the man with two brains: one side shouting "You rock!" while the other tries to scream "You suck!" at an even louder pitch. Or: Rodney thinks he's fan-fucking-tastic, right up until the moment that he doesn't. You can see this written all over his face, in the way his eyes and chin and mouth rapidly make the transition from hard, narrow arrogance to wide, open vulnerability. (I just have to pause here and say: I love you, David Hewlett.) Rodney wears his heart on his sleeve, and I think that's part of the reason he's as loud and as pushy and as BIG as he is: because that's his only defense--distraction.
There are a lot of cool parallels between this episode and 'Epiphany,' although in general this was a far stronger hour of television. (Note to Stargate writers: tight little plots that are just about the characters and a little about the technology--good. Rambly ridiculousness with aliens with terrible fashion sense and stupid Ascension shit--bad.) But it's interesting to see how Rodney and John react to having their support structures ripped away. John assumes that he's been abandoned; Rodney, that it doesn't matter, because no one will be able to help him anyway. These are both trust issues, but of a different sort; and I can't help but think that Rodney's at least embrace a realistic concern. Just supports my theory that John is secretly even more fucked up that Rodney is. *eg*
Another thing I noticed: When John yells at himself in the third person, he calls himself John. Rodney, on the other hand, calls himself McKay. No idea what this means, but, uh, I noticed it.
ANYWAY...this was such a rich episode, and Rodney's such a complex character, that I could go on forever, but I want to save some of it for the slew of post-ep fics that I really hope are coming. So, just two more things about Rodney. First, his comment to Sam: "You're wiser." I like that, I can see that, just as I understood and felt what he meant when he told her she had art. Rodney's far from perfect, and I'm sure that weighs on him terribly, the long catalogue of his mistakes, every entry known in detail. But, but: he's still learning. Sam's had a lot more practice, saving the world, being strong and right and brave, and as hard as it is, Rodney needs to give himself a chance to catch up. Wisdom comes with time. He's made remarkable progress in a year and a half, and he'll make more. I'm sure he'll screw up more, too, because with Rodney--as with all people--learning's a bit of a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kinda deal. But he will learn.And unlike Sam, he's got a cute boyfriend to help him.
Second, Rodney's comment about Griffin: "He was a brave man...and I..." Oh God, that just broke my heart. Because Rodney is brave--he's The Bravest Coward in the 'Verse (and yes, I would like an icon that says that *eg*). And his is an incredible kind of bravery, because it's not flashy, it just gets things done. It's utilitarian bravery: like in 'Aurora,' when Teyla says, "Are you sure you want to do this?" (meaning go in after John), and Rodney says, "I really, really don't." And then he does. Just like that.
Unfortunately, as much as I want Rodney to realize that he has courage, I think his particular brand of it depends on him being mostly unaware of its existence, of leaving it to Subconscious!Sam. If he knew, he'd overthink it, just like everything else. And as someone who is all about the brain, he can't ever really aspire to Griffin's (John's) kind of courage, which depends on not thinking, on just doing. And maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I love that bit of naming: Brave, heroic, but poorly thought out act = Griffin = Gryffindor. *g* (And don't even get me started on my theory that John is a secret Slytherin and Rodney the world's most reluctant Gryffindor, because then we'd be here all night. But, uh, yeah. It's true.)
A few small notes on other characters:
•John. Oh, how I loved you in this. You were so SMART. You came up with so many ideas, you implemented them with grace, you said "ain't" in a way that was very cute and reminded me that we need more Firefly crossovers. You showed that you're an optimist, too, but in a really aggressive, fucked up way. I loved that growled, "They MADE IT," as if just by saying it, John could make it real. It reminded me of his assurances at the end of 'The Hive' that Ford is a tough kid whom they very well may run into again. I mean, since this is a sci-fi show, they really might run into Ford again, but to me that just pulsed with a sort of wonderful, fierce denial--the same kind of thing that made John go against orders to go back for those men in Afghanistan. Ooh, John, you are such an interesting puzzle; I will keep trying to put you together even though so many pieces are blank.
I also really loved the three-way scene (almost left out the word 'scene' there...) between Elizabeth, John, and Zelenka. The one with this bit of dialogue:
ELIZABETH: I'm not going to order you to go--
JOHN: I will!
ELIZABETH: ...All I'm saying is that if Rodney can't turn to you, who can he turn to?
This is fantastic because a) Elizabeth gets to be a capable, effective leader for once, and b) John's willing to cross any and all lines to get Radek to help rescue his (John's--or their, I guess *eg*) boyfriend! And also, of course, because Zelenka gets to prove that he's also in the running for Top Five Bravest Cowards in the 'Verse (Beckett and a few others are also making a good showing, although not in this ep [really not in this ep!]). I love that the final idea with the shield was Radek's (because pretty much all of the others were--wow--John's), and that Radek went into the downed jumper to get Rodney when he could have just as easily stayed behind where it was relatively more protected. Little things like that really count, so props, Gero.
Finally, my post-ep fic wish list:
1. Obviously, the story where John comforts a shaken Rodney. I can count onlamardeuse to give us a terrific established relationship story as part of her "Getting to Know You" 'verse, so how 'bout some first time fics, guys? Bonus points for ones where Rodney echoes his line to Sam: "I can't tell what's real and what's not."
2. A really good Rodney/Radek friendship piece. When Rodney was in the belly of the whale (metaphorically, thankfully, though it was touch-and-go for a few minutes there) he was clearly pretty pissed at his 2IC, and Radek did mess up, though he worked really hard to make it right again. I'd love to see them talk about it--or better yet, talk around it. Throw some Weir/Zelenka in there, and I will LOVE YOU FOREVER.
3. Some Rodney & Sam stories, friendship or shippy. I really lovedagentotter's recent fics (if you haven't already, GO READ: this one is Sam/Rodney in Antarctica, and - ex gratia - done as a favor - is Sam/Rodney/John--mmmyes), and would love more along those lines. Or just some sort of "Back at the SGC for a debriefing/before leave, Sam and Rodney have a brief and awkward conversation in which they flirt and insult each other, but Sam also manages to say something that makes Rodney feel a bit better about himself, and maybe gives him enough courage to go proposition John" kind of thing. Except, y'know, not sucky.
And speaking of fic:
I posted a new story for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sga_flashfic's Shark Challenge: The U.S.S. Indianapolis, McKay/Sheppard, experimental style, lots of Jaws references. And Rodney with issues--gotta love that. ;-)
*I love the juxtaposition of pretentious quotes and episode squee. And while we're quoting, here's another I really love (and almost used): "With curious art the brain, too finely wrought / Preys on herself, and is destroyed by thought." --Charles Churchill, Epistle to William Hogarth
Okay, first let me just say: I am GLEE. (TM
princess_bunny.) I loved this episode so much. But then, I love Rodney, so. More episodes that are ALL ABOUT HIM? Bring 'em on!Second, allow me to be arrogant for a moment: I totally called it. I mean, my first fic in this fandom was called Control, and even if there weren't a bagillion other things to love about this ep, I would love it for confirming that I have been reading--and thus writing--Rodney correctly all this time. Baby's all about control--having it, keeping it, needing it. (And so's John, but that's a separate issue.)
Third, I want to try to talk seriously about Rodney's issues, which were on glorious, messy display here. One major realization that I came to seems kind of obvious in retrospect (hindsight’s 20/20, right?): that same voice that Rodney uses to berate his underlings, that voice that screams at them for being idiots, worthless, incompetent--that's the voice that Rodney hears in his own head all the time. Subconsciously (heh) I think I already knew this, but it was shocking to see it so plainly: when he's yelling, "You IDIOT!" at himself; when he's saying, "Can we at least do that, please?" to his inanimate friend, but to himself, too--he's turning his own familiar invective inward, and it's pretty clear that this is always his mental sountrack; we're only just now getting to see and hear it because of his head wound. Rodney is definitely his own best publicity agent, but he's also his own worst critic, and there must be a constant war going on between those two perspectives in that beautiful brain of his. And I think that, besides making it so that DH didn't have to talk to himself for the whole episode, the device of McKay subconsciously splitting himself off into Rodney-Rodney and Sam-Rodney was a really effective way of illustrating this. Rodney is probably constantly engaged in a dozen different arguments--with himself, within his own mind. Part of that, I think, is just the price of being a genius; part of it is something else.
I think that Rodney is secretly an optimist. We saw lots of examples of this in this episode: that he wanted to believe he was actually back in the infirmary, that he wanted to hold onto the idea that hitting the ground was a good thing, even that he didn't think to do what Griffin did--issues of bravery aside, he still thought that he could save both of them. But despite this secret, buried optimism, Rodney is also really, really smart--he comprehends exactly how screwed they are, all the time. This would make looking on the bright side difficult, to say the least. Further, I think he's someone who's had what little rays of optimism he's shown beaten down pretty firmly in the past. Sam is again a good example of this: he sees, quite clearly, how he could win her, how they could work ("We make a good team, you and I"), but--smart boy--he also sees all the flaws in himself that would ruin it, tear it apart, destroy it before it could even take place. (And, if one wanted to get super psycho-analytical about it, destroy it in order that it can never take place, because the relationship that never quite happened is perfect in a way that one that did and failed is not.)
It's interesting to note that Rodney tells hallucination!Sam, "You think what my subconscious tells you to think" right after she lists off his triumvirate of flaws--"you're petty, arrogant, and you treat people badly"--and even rejects his suggestion that "you do find me attractive--physically" with "Let's stick to working on my idea." It seems ridiculous to suggest that Rodney McKay has low self-esteem, but again I think it's a case of him being the man with two brains: one side shouting "You rock!" while the other tries to scream "You suck!" at an even louder pitch. Or: Rodney thinks he's fan-fucking-tastic, right up until the moment that he doesn't. You can see this written all over his face, in the way his eyes and chin and mouth rapidly make the transition from hard, narrow arrogance to wide, open vulnerability. (I just have to pause here and say: I love you, David Hewlett.) Rodney wears his heart on his sleeve, and I think that's part of the reason he's as loud and as pushy and as BIG as he is: because that's his only defense--distraction.
There are a lot of cool parallels between this episode and 'Epiphany,' although in general this was a far stronger hour of television. (Note to Stargate writers: tight little plots that are just about the characters and a little about the technology--good. Rambly ridiculousness with aliens with terrible fashion sense and stupid Ascension shit--bad.) But it's interesting to see how Rodney and John react to having their support structures ripped away. John assumes that he's been abandoned; Rodney, that it doesn't matter, because no one will be able to help him anyway. These are both trust issues, but of a different sort; and I can't help but think that Rodney's at least embrace a realistic concern. Just supports my theory that John is secretly even more fucked up that Rodney is. *eg*
Another thing I noticed: When John yells at himself in the third person, he calls himself John. Rodney, on the other hand, calls himself McKay. No idea what this means, but, uh, I noticed it.
ANYWAY...this was such a rich episode, and Rodney's such a complex character, that I could go on forever, but I want to save some of it for the slew of post-ep fics that I really hope are coming. So, just two more things about Rodney. First, his comment to Sam: "You're wiser." I like that, I can see that, just as I understood and felt what he meant when he told her she had art. Rodney's far from perfect, and I'm sure that weighs on him terribly, the long catalogue of his mistakes, every entry known in detail. But, but: he's still learning. Sam's had a lot more practice, saving the world, being strong and right and brave, and as hard as it is, Rodney needs to give himself a chance to catch up. Wisdom comes with time. He's made remarkable progress in a year and a half, and he'll make more. I'm sure he'll screw up more, too, because with Rodney--as with all people--learning's a bit of a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kinda deal. But he will learn.
Second, Rodney's comment about Griffin: "He was a brave man...and I..." Oh God, that just broke my heart. Because Rodney is brave--he's The Bravest Coward in the 'Verse (and yes, I would like an icon that says that *eg*). And his is an incredible kind of bravery, because it's not flashy, it just gets things done. It's utilitarian bravery: like in 'Aurora,' when Teyla says, "Are you sure you want to do this?" (meaning go in after John), and Rodney says, "I really, really don't." And then he does. Just like that.
Unfortunately, as much as I want Rodney to realize that he has courage, I think his particular brand of it depends on him being mostly unaware of its existence, of leaving it to Subconscious!Sam. If he knew, he'd overthink it, just like everything else. And as someone who is all about the brain, he can't ever really aspire to Griffin's (John's) kind of courage, which depends on not thinking, on just doing. And maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I love that bit of naming: Brave, heroic, but poorly thought out act = Griffin = Gryffindor. *g* (And don't even get me started on my theory that John is a secret Slytherin and Rodney the world's most reluctant Gryffindor, because then we'd be here all night. But, uh, yeah. It's true.)
A few small notes on other characters:
•John. Oh, how I loved you in this. You were so SMART. You came up with so many ideas, you implemented them with grace, you said "ain't" in a way that was very cute and reminded me that we need more Firefly crossovers. You showed that you're an optimist, too, but in a really aggressive, fucked up way. I loved that growled, "They MADE IT," as if just by saying it, John could make it real. It reminded me of his assurances at the end of 'The Hive' that Ford is a tough kid whom they very well may run into again. I mean, since this is a sci-fi show, they really might run into Ford again, but to me that just pulsed with a sort of wonderful, fierce denial--the same kind of thing that made John go against orders to go back for those men in Afghanistan. Ooh, John, you are such an interesting puzzle; I will keep trying to put you together even though so many pieces are blank.
I also really loved the three-way scene (almost left out the word 'scene' there...) between Elizabeth, John, and Zelenka. The one with this bit of dialogue:
ELIZABETH: I'm not going to order you to go--
JOHN: I will!
ELIZABETH: ...All I'm saying is that if Rodney can't turn to you, who can he turn to?
This is fantastic because a) Elizabeth gets to be a capable, effective leader for once, and b) John's willing to cross any and all lines to get Radek to help rescue his (John's--or their, I guess *eg*) boyfriend! And also, of course, because Zelenka gets to prove that he's also in the running for Top Five Bravest Cowards in the 'Verse (Beckett and a few others are also making a good showing, although not in this ep [really not in this ep!]). I love that the final idea with the shield was Radek's (because pretty much all of the others were--wow--John's), and that Radek went into the downed jumper to get Rodney when he could have just as easily stayed behind where it was relatively more protected. Little things like that really count, so props, Gero.
Finally, my post-ep fic wish list:
1. Obviously, the story where John comforts a shaken Rodney. I can count on
lamardeuse to give us a terrific established relationship story as part of her "Getting to Know You" 'verse, so how 'bout some first time fics, guys? Bonus points for ones where Rodney echoes his line to Sam: "I can't tell what's real and what's not."2. A really good Rodney/Radek friendship piece. When Rodney was in the belly of the whale (metaphorically, thankfully, though it was touch-and-go for a few minutes there) he was clearly pretty pissed at his 2IC, and Radek did mess up, though he worked really hard to make it right again. I'd love to see them talk about it--or better yet, talk around it. Throw some Weir/Zelenka in there, and I will LOVE YOU FOREVER.
3. Some Rodney & Sam stories, friendship or shippy. I really loved
agentotter's recent fics (if you haven't already, GO READ: this one is Sam/Rodney in Antarctica, and - ex gratia - done as a favor - is Sam/Rodney/John--mmmyes), and would love more along those lines. Or just some sort of "Back at the SGC for a debriefing/before leave, Sam and Rodney have a brief and awkward conversation in which they flirt and insult each other, but Sam also manages to say something that makes Rodney feel a bit better about himself, and maybe gives him enough courage to go proposition John" kind of thing. Except, y'know, not sucky.And speaking of fic:
I posted a new story for
sga_flashfic's Shark Challenge: The U.S.S. Indianapolis, McKay/Sheppard, experimental style, lots of Jaws references. And Rodney with issues--gotta love that. ;-)*I love the juxtaposition of pretentious quotes and episode squee. And while we're quoting, here's another I really love (and almost used): "With curious art the brain, too finely wrought / Preys on herself, and is destroyed by thought." --Charles Churchill, Epistle to William Hogarth
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-14 01:10 am (UTC)Oh my god. Can I just say that I can't wait to read this? *dies*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-14 03:30 pm (UTC)