Help me not get fired, part II

Things have been insane at work. We're closing the issue, so I've been putting in 12-hour-plus days editing the "boards," which last night got sent out to be returned to us as proofs, and then the craziness will resume. In the tiny, two-day lull, I'm supposed to start working on something for the next issue, and I could really use your help. We do an annual "Most" list, and I need to come up with suggestions. Here are some of the ones I've already come up with, to give you an idea:

MOST OMGWTFPOLARBEAR ENGAGEMENT: Dominic Monaghan & Evangeline Lilly
MOST LIKELY TO BE THE NEXT TO CLAIM WE’RE INTEROGATING THE TEXT FROM THE WRONG PERSPECTIVE: M. Night Shyamalan
MOST LIKELY TO BREAK THE GEORGIA RULE: Lindsay Lohan
MOST AWESOME TITLE IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING, EVER: Snakes on a Plane
MOST LIKELY TO CONFUSE A BELT AND A BRA: Keira Knightley
MOST IN NEED OF SUPER-SIZING: Kate Bosworth
MOST INVISIBLE BABY: Suri Cruise

Now, most of these are, I fear, too obscure and too geeky. I also haven't thought of enough of them. I'm just...out of the loop, not the pop culture junkie I used to be (or not of enough mainstream culture, anyway). So, it would be doing me an enormous favor if you wanted to suggest some things for our "Most" list. And, in theory, I think it would be kind of fun, if you're not worried about getting fired over it.

(I am worried. I've worked here six weeks, and my boss has never once told me "good job," or even smiled at me. I don't know if this is just the kind of guy he is (he seems looser and nicer around other people, although that may just be me being paranoid) or if he really doesn't like me. It's incredibly demoralizing.)

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And in case you're (quite rightly) wondering: no, you won't get credit for this—except forever in my heart! *g*—but neither will I; the piece is collaborative and runs without a byline. But I will send you a copy of the issue if you want it.

Thank you!

Amazing! True!

Reading The National Enquirer, which I—swear to God—have had to do this morning for work, is not unlike reading bad fanfic.

Did you know...?

...That Johnny Depp is a closeted homosexual and (even better) a former cutter?

...That Ellen DeGeneres is insanely jealous of the men girlfriend Portia de Rossi can't stop flirting with (including Jeremy Piven, apparently)?

...That Woody Allen wants to stop Scarlett Johansson from hooking up with Wilmer Valderrama because he's "not good enough for her"...or is there another secret motive behind his displeasure?

...That Angelina Jolie walked in on Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston having sex? (And then decided to join in, I assume—or at least, that's the way any semi-decent badfic would go.)

Which doesn't even touch on all the creepy stuff about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and their invisible, alien baby. Or the last page of the July 24 Enquirer, which features a kitty in a hoodie who is apparently some sort of criminal mastermind.

Also, I can't quite believe that this is real. And yet, my newly warped perception of reality aside, it is!

Now I have to go back to reading about Star Jones' dramatic weight loss/firing/feud with Barbara Walters/troubled marriage to her gay husband. That sound you hear? That's my brain cells not so much evaporating as imploding.