Help me not get fired, part II

[trinityofone]

Things have been insane at work. We're closing the issue, so I've been putting in 12-hour-plus days editing the "boards," which last night got sent out to be returned to us as proofs, and then the craziness will resume. In the tiny, two-day lull, I'm supposed to start working on something for the next issue, and I could really use your help. We do an annual "Most" list, and I need to come up with suggestions. Here are some of the ones I've already come up with, to give you an idea:

MOST OMGWTFPOLARBEAR ENGAGEMENT: Dominic Monaghan & Evangeline Lilly
MOST LIKELY TO BE THE NEXT TO CLAIM WE’RE INTEROGATING THE TEXT FROM THE WRONG PERSPECTIVE: M. Night Shyamalan
MOST LIKELY TO BREAK THE GEORGIA RULE: Lindsay Lohan
MOST AWESOME TITLE IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING, EVER: Snakes on a Plane
MOST LIKELY TO CONFUSE A BELT AND A BRA: Keira Knightley
MOST IN NEED OF SUPER-SIZING: Kate Bosworth
MOST INVISIBLE BABY: Suri Cruise

Now, most of these are, I fear, too obscure and too geeky. I also haven't thought of enough of them. I'm just...out of the loop, not the pop culture junkie I used to be (or not of enough mainstream culture, anyway). So, it would be doing me an enormous favor if you wanted to suggest some things for our "Most" list. And, in theory, I think it would be kind of fun, if you're not worried about getting fired over it.

(I am worried. I've worked here six weeks, and my boss has never once told me "good job," or even smiled at me. I don't know if this is just the kind of guy he is (he seems looser and nicer around other people, although that may just be me being paranoid) or if he really doesn't like me. It's incredibly demoralizing.)

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And in case you're (quite rightly) wondering: no, you won't get credit for this—except forever in my heart! *g*—but neither will I; the piece is collaborative and runs without a byline. But I will send you a copy of the issue if you want it.

Thank you!

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Well, I think no list is complete without MOST FREQUENTLY IN JAIL: Pete Doherty.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Okay, it's a bad sign that it took me several seconds to even remember who that is. But I got it eventually, and that's exactly the kind of thing they're looking for (and that I suck at providing). Thank you!

[ms-maree.livejournal.com]

Well, anything about Paris Hilton is a given even if I think she's incredibly over-rated

But all the tabloids seem to love her.

Umm, otherwise, my bad, I can't help you.

Oh, Lance Bass came out, that probably comes under most 'duh, like everyone didn't know' or something.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been thinking about the Lance Bass thing, but I can't come up with a clever way to phrase it. It would be especially cool if I could juxtapose it with Oprah's whole "I'm not gay!" thing...

[boochicken.livejournal.com]

Sibling most obviously trying to become more famous sibling: Ashlee Simpson (although it could also be Haylie Duff or one of the Macaulkins.)

Best commercial use of an ugly divorce: Nick Lachey

Most bafflingly-named celebrity memoir: Teri Hatcher

Most gratuitous use of boobs in album cover art: Ashlee Simpson
Most unlikely to be invited to a Hollywood seder, bat mitzvah or bris: Mel Gibson

Most intimidating modern German: Heidi Klum ("And one of you will be out.")

Celebrity child most likely to appear on "Springer:" Anna Nicole Smith's unnamed spawn.

Wow, I'm having too much fun with this -- need more?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're excellent! The Ashlee Simpson one is terrific, and your phrasing of the Mel Gibson one was much better than mine. Yes, more, please!

[roaringmice.livejournal.com]

Possible questions:

Couple most likely to still be together in ten years: Jen and Vince?

Couple most likely not to even make it to next week:

Best red-carpet outfit:
Worst red-carpet outfit:

Most shocking arrest: Mel Gibson?

Least shocking arrest:

Celebrity who's done the most for charity: Bono (or Angelina Jolie, depending on who the mag is pimping that month)

Celebrity who should have done the most for charity: Paris Hilton

As for the answers - I pretty much have no idea. I'm mostly clueless when it comes to trendy celebs.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have some like that, too, like:

MOST IN NEED OF A HUG: ?

This is hard! But thanks for the suggestions; maybe they'll spark something!

[kalpurna.livejournal.com]

Hee, SOMEONE has been reading her GFY! ;D

I think the omgwtfpolarbear is a little too fandom-insider, but I love the M. Night Shyamalan – although maybe you could take out the "be the next to", and then it doesn't require previous knowledge to get the whole joke. I am ALWAYS in favor of Suri Cruise jokes, too.

How about Least Likely to Date: Oprah Winfrey and Lance Bass?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I feel like reading GFY is all I do here!

I'll probably have to change the phrasing on the Lost hookup thing, but at least it'll get that out there. And you're right about the edit on Shyamalan—it's better to have them shorter, anyway.

Suri Cruise is hilarious and is SO going to need therapy. Actually, a lot of celebrity babies are hilarious. There's the wax Shilo Jolie-Pitt, and Apple and Moses Martin...oy.

How about Least Likely to Date: Oprah Winfrey and Lance Bass?

I like that, but the frustrating thing is, I have to stick to the format of "Most [blank]." The rules are so limiting! Grr.

[vonknibble.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely useless when it comes to pop culture, but one or two things have occured to me...

1) This thing with your boss - is this actual concern as in if you could talk to a work colleague about it would you?, or new job/early days nerves still? From what you've said about him, he might be receptive to a little reassurance if you opted, once this latest madness has settled, to ask for a little chat. Otherwise this will bug you for a long time yet to come and that's never good.

2) You're not the only one that's got to come up with idea's for this thing, so think about it this way - you're idea's may seem too geeky to you, but they're ones that others aren't likely to come up with - so throw in a few mainline ones to show you're not being deliberately difficult, and use your strengths! Geeky can be good :D

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

1) I don't know if it's nerves or what. Maybe I should try to talk to some of my co-workers; a couple of them are very nice. I'm just...really at a loss. In the summer jobs I've had, my employers generally seemed to like me, but the communication here is so poor, I can't even be sure if I'm doing something wrong. (In general, I mean--while BossMan is stingy with the praise, if you make a mistake, he ABSOLUTELY tells you.)

2) I'm going to throw everything I've got at them. Which is why I'm hoping people can help me pad out my geeky ideas with some better ones! (And possibly why I should start trolling through the tabloids again.)

[kudra2324.livejournal.com]

i can't get the phrasing into the right format, but about POTC2 - movie most enjoyed regardless of whether it has a plot.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's a good one, but you're right, the phrasing's tough. Hmm. "Most watched movie entirely lacking a plot"? "Most enjoyed movie regardless of plot"? I used to be clever!

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

But "Snakes! on a Plane!" is in the running, too.

[turtlespeaks.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish I could help you, but I live in a bigger hole then you do. The only things I could think of are
MOST IN NEED OF OF A MUFFIN: Paris Hilton
MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A HOLLYWOOD PARIAH: Mel Gibson (or something similar, but you should totally make a jab at him.)
MOST LIKELY TO SUCK DUE TO BAD NETWORK HANDLING: Veronica Mars (a companion piece to GILMORE GIRLS?! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot CW?!)
MOST LIKELY TO BE THE BIGGEST MOVIE OF NEXT YEAR, REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE SAYS: POTC3

Good luck though, I hope it all works out for you. And maybe you're boss just is like that, you're the new girl, things might be hard for a while until you really make a spot for yourself .

*HUGGLES* GOOD LUCK!! *cake*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oh, Mel is definitely getting jabbed, don't you worry. *g*

MOST LIKELY TO SUCK DUE TO BAD NETWORK HANDLING: Veronica Mars

Oh, I hope you're wrong about that! *is nervous for show* But it's a good thing to include.

And yeah, PotC3. Did I like 2? No. Am I going to see 3? You betcha.

And maybe you're boss just is like that, you're the new girl, things might be hard for a while until you really make a spot for yourself .

I thought that, but he seems much friendlier with the other new girl than he is with me. Maybe I'm just paranoid? Or maybe I smell funny.

[turtlespeaks.livejournal.com]

Most Likely to be Attacked by a Stuffed Cougar: Will Farrell

Most likely to be remembered as a gay pirate: Johnny Depp

We must have the same boss: Mr. Killjoy

[maribouquet.livejournal.com]

Oh man, there needs to be one (or a thousand) about Mel Gibson.

When does the magazine hit the stands? I bet you've already thought of this, but you could look at what movies are opening around then and use them for ideas...

Grim bosses are the worst. Mine is just like that, with the added feature of being doctor who employs the Socratic method - every time I meet with him I get a stern series of rapid-fire, impossible questions, and I leave feeling like I lose at life.

Most likely to give me a complex: my boss. Boo.

Re: We must have the same boss: Mr. Killjoy

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

This is for the November/December issue, so not for a while. I wish I could predict the future! Although that would be an amusingly useless superpower: the ability to know celebrity scandals before they occur! Wow!

with the added feature of being doctor who employs the Socratic method - every time I meet with him I get a stern series of rapid-fire, impossible questions, and I leave feeling like I lose at life.

Yeah, BossMan does that, too--although without the excuse of being a doctor. He'll call me into his office and ask me to reel off a bunch of information, and if I say "Can I go get the notes I took on that?" he'll say something like, "No, you can tell me." WTF?

So, in short, bosses suck. We ought to be independently wealthy.

[siria]

I am even worse at pop culture than you, and a lot of what I do know is rather restricted to Ireland, so I doubt it would be much good to you. (Unless you want to do a kind of SG:A edition, in which case "Most Likely Wraith Disguised As Newscaster: Anne Doyle". *eyes evening news*)

I'm sorry your boss is being a prick. I would gladly yell at him for you. I can curse with some degree of fluency in four languages, and passibly in a couple of others? *hugs*

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Anne Doyle! Aww. I miss Ireland, man. I was watching Father Ted the other day (I finally found my DVDs) and I got all nostalgic and sniffly... *whimper*

I so wish you were here to unload on my boss. You could do the scary John Sheppard eyes and swear at him in Irish. *sigh* It's a nice dream...

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Ooh, fun! I'll play.

MOST LIKELY TO GIVE A GIRL AN STD JUST BY LOOKING AT HER: Brandon Davis

MOST LIKELY TO USE PRODUCT PLACEMENT IN HER OWN FUNERAL: Starr Jones

MOST LIKELY TO CRASH WIKIPEDIA: Stephen Colbert (did you hear about this, btw? Stephen Colbert is made of awesome.)

Hmm. These are hard. I'll think about it some more... But the first one was the one that immediately popped into my head. Cause seriously - boy is GROSS.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oh, you ROCK at this. I am not surprised. *g*

I saw the no-longer-editable Elephants page, but I didn't hear that he...actually crashed their server? That's awesome! Do you have a link to an article on it or anything? Or, I could be not-lazy and Google...

[lordelessar.livejournal.com]

What happened to Help Me Not Get Fired part 1?

umm... I suck at these kinds of things. How about, Most likely to make more money in his next movie that you do in a lifetime: Johnny Depp. Doesn't seem that good. But it seems like you should find some category for Depp, given the huge financial success of Pirates. Maybe it could be, Most likely to have random people say "Arrrr, Matey" at him on the street.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Help Me Not Get Fired part 1 was a few weeks ago. I forget the topic.

I already have several PotC jokes, but Johnny could do with his own, maybe. *thinks*

MOST IMPRESSIVE REAL-LIFE PORTRAYAL OF DORIAN GRAY?

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

Most ironic talent show judge: David Hasselhoff, America has Talent

Most likely to kill Harry Potter: J. K. Rowling

Most likely to be better looking than any of us: [I forget the name, but Brad Pitt and and Angelina Jolie had a kid. Come on, that's just not fair to anyone]

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Shilo Nouvel Jolie-Pitt is so much better looking than everyone else, he's made of wax! (http://news.sawf.org/Entertainment/16815.aspx)

The Hasselhoff thing is just freaky.

[introductory.livejournal.com]

Oh, I must not be paying enough attention. What again do you write for? I'll definitely be getting a copy once it comes out. :x

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I haven't actually said because of, I don't know, paranoia probably. But this thread has helpfully collapsed (not that that necessarily makes a difference, but...) and like Richard Mayhew, I can't lie when asked a direct question, so: it's Hollywood Life. Wherein I compose painfully fluffy fluff. Oh well.

Thanks for saying you'll buy it, though. Even if you just leaf through it at a newsstand, I'll be perversely pleased. *g*

[whiskeypants.livejournal.com]

MOST LIKELY TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR FERRET BITES: Paris Hilton

MOST LIKELY TO BE TOLD TO STEP THE HELL OFF BY JK ROWLING AND ROB THOMAS: Stephen King

MOST LIKELY TO OFFEND EVERYBODY: Mel Gibson

MOST WTF IS IT NOW: Angelina Jolie