Rite of Passage

[trinityofone]

There comes a time in every young fangirl's life when, should she still reside amongst the chalk-dust lecture halls and book-dust libraries of academia, she must pick up the mantle and write an academic paper about slash. And for me, brothers and sisters (mostly sisters), that time has come.

Basically what happened was this: my popular literature class had a guest lecturer, Prof. McCarthy. She was giving a talk on Poppy Z. Brite's Exquisite Corpse (which, embarrassingly, I still have not been able to find), and in doing so, she talked about serial killers in both history and literature, and provided us with some great quotes. (One of my favorites, Paul Anthony Woods on Norman Bates: "He registers in our hearts as one of the most loveable sickos of pop culture.") Then she showed us selected postings from the Yahoo!Group JeffreyDahmerClub. If you click on the link, which I do NOT recommend, you'll see some of what she showed us: people (mostly women) talking about how much they love Jeffrey Dahmer, how they feel he was just misunderstood, how hot he is--all very serious and earnest. I was, needless to say, disturbed by this. Especially because one of the first thoughts that entered my mind was: "Jesus, these people must've been on Yahoo!Groups talking about their love for a serial killer at the exact same time I, fresh-faced and 17, was there posting about my love for Spike."

...At which point I would like to take a time out and say: Fuck you, David Fury.

But ANYWAY...just then Prof. McCarthy said something about how both serial killers and their fans exhibit an "obsessive and insatiable" need for more, more, more. And then she brought up slash.

Slash readers and writers--the term was of course defined for the giggling audience, with the inevitable Kirk/Spock example and an increase in giggling--exhibit, said McCarthy, the same need for more of their chosen type of media: more story, more sexual tension, more sex. Brite, not a slash fan, has bemoaned the fact that while "real" writers will work hard to "create real, complex, multidimensional characters with lives that need no 'improvement' by the peanut gallery, all some readers really want is for [the characters] to fall into a huge rutting jizz-drenched scrum" (Fan Nine from Outer Space). Prof. McCarthy didn't specifically disagree with Brite; mostly she just drew the obvious connections between sex and violence, making, IMO, rather too big a deal about the possible violent connotations of the word "slash." I really wasn't quite sure what she was trying to say, actually; but more than that, I was disturbed that my mind had made the leap from Jeffrey Dahmer fandom to our fandom first, and without being prompted.

After the lecture, there was a question and answer period. I debated whether I should say anything--I didn't want to "out" myself to a room full of strangers, and I wasn't sure how to neutrally phrase a question, or even what I wanted to ask. Finally, I raised my hand and mumbled something about how, while I definitely saw the connection between obsessive-compulsive, insatiable behaviour and slash fandom, didn't Prof. McCarthy think it might have less to do with violence, and more to do with (here I stumbled, wanting to say--I think--love) romance novels? You know, the type little old ladies check out from the library, the type with Fabio on the cover? Prof. McCarthy conceded that this might be so. Class dismissed.

I left unsatisfied. I thought about just going home and writing a bitchy, dismissive post about how we are NOT like that. Yet I was still bothered by the fact that my brain had made the connection first. And what are we, if not obsessive and insatiable? What does that make us--serial readers? Serial writers? Why do we do what we do?

So I went to Dr. Jones' office hours and outed myself as a slasher.

The meeting began less than promisingly, as he greeted me by saying, "Aren't you the student that asked the question about Fabio?" I admitted that I was, and that yes, I am from Berkeley, and that yes (feeling quite the stereotype), I would like to talk more about the gay porn, please.

Dr. Jones said he was "fascinated by this phenomenon known as 'slash.'" I said I was quite an expert, but that the lecture that morning had made me think about why we did it--why I did it. One of our class' essay titles is "Write an essay on why you think formulaic writing is so popular"--could I, I inquired, write an essay about slash?

His response was enthusiastic. Very enthusiastic. Did I mention that I rather adore him? I do, I do.

Anyway, he introduced me to Prof. Silver, whom he called "the university's resident slash expert." Unfortunately, this is not an actual tenured position--too bad, 'cause nice as Prof. Silver was, I could totally have beaten her out for it. She really didn't know much about internet fandom at all, but she gave me a great book--Constance Penley's NASA/TREK, which I highly recommend, despite the fact that it's old and thus deals mostly with 'zines--and even better, a lot of encouragement. In return, I gave her links to some classic fandom stuff--she'd never heard of the Very Secret Diaries! *gasp*--and, when pressed, some of my own stories. (Yikes!) When I come out, I come out hard--bringing the clothes, the hangers, and the dust bunnies with me.

So now--

The short version: I now have just over a weak to write a paper about Why We Slash. I think I can pull together the more academic, sociological sources, but for the rest, I need your help. I want this paper to be different from other writings about slash and fandom: I'm not going to distance myself; rather, I'm going to get permission to write in the first person and include myself in the analysis. I don't want to be yet another judgmental outsider looking in (or down) on "this phenomenon known as slash"; I'm a part of it, I'm not going to deny it, and that gives me a unique perspective.

But I need other people's perspectives--other people's insights--too. So, fellow fandom folks: if you could take the time to answer the following questions, I would be deeply appreciative.

1. What do you get out of a) fanfiction in general and/or genfic; b) romantic, 'shipper fic, regardless of the genders and sexualities of the participants; and c) slash fic, especially m/m slash?

2. How does what you derive from all of these things differ a) from each other; b) from the source material; and c) from real life?

3. If you're a writer as well as a reader, do you derive a different sort of experience from writing than from reading? How do the two compare? (If you're a vidder or artist, please feel free to talk about that, too.)

4. What were your primary reasons for entering fandom--specifically slash fandom? What are your reasons for staying?

5. Why do you think slash fandom and slash fiction are the phenomena that they are?

If you want to provide info about age, gender, sexual preference, when you entered fandom or how long you've been in it, it would be interesting and useful, but obviously, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. With that in mind, anyone who'd prefer to take this out of a public forum can also e-mail me at kaufmaa@tcd.ie . You can also comment anonymously, though I'd appreciate it if you could provide me with some sort of alias in case I choose to quote you.

With that in mind: unless you tell me otherwise, any quotes I pull will be attributed to your LJ username (minus the LJ distinction, of course.) So if I were quoting myself, I might say: "'I'm in it for the porn, baby!' said one writer, trinityofone. 'Porn, porn, porn--that's what the internet is for!'"* If you'd prefer to be quoted under a different name, just tell me what it is. But don't get too panicky: this paper will most likely be seen by no one other than Dr. Jones, Prof. McCarthy, Prof. Silver, and myself. And we're all very discreet. ;-)

Finally, PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD. Which is to say: the red light is on, I have multiple varieties of condoms (some are flavored!), but right now I'm all by my lonesome, so I need you to pimp, pimp, pimp. Also, if anyone knows of any communities where I might be able to rustle up some participants, that'd be fab.

So in conclusion: let me know if you have any questions, and thanks in advance!

*Actually, I read slash for the articles. 'The' is a good one; so's 'a.' ...And after that display of dorkery, we're all going to pretend this footnote doesn't exist.

Comments

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

b) romantic, 'shipper fic, regardless of the genders and sexualities of the participants;
... Porn, basically.

No, um. I swear, I'm not entirely gratuitous. Deep thoughts! There are, occasionally, canon pairings I will read fic for: I could probably read about Summer and Seth for about seventeen years, provided what I'm reading is (at least marginally; I'll admit I'm easy) well-written and in-character, because they are fabulous and wonderful and have amazing interaction (and, um, are both ridiculously hot). And er, I'm still watching s2 and don't expect to see s3 until it comes out on DVD, so take that as you will.

But generally, what does 'ship fic do? Gives you pairings you'd never see in the canon! Excellent, excellent. Likelihood of Weir and Zelenka actually hooking up on the show? Well, er, I'm several episodes behind there too, so possibly more likely than I think, but you get the gist! Are they adorable and do I have great desire to squoosh them together? Yes, yes I do. Would I happily read about them, from G to NC-17? Yes, yes I would. Would they probably completely fuck it up if they did it on the show? Most likely! And so: fanfiction!

and c) slash fic, especially m/m slash?
Honestly, slash is long habit for me at this point. I know it's a secret shame for a lot of people, but seriously, I've explained Weasleycest to my father, and I'm actually pretty sure I had Mormon Danny (who was tiny and adorable and very, very religious and strangely disinclined to marry me even when I generously offered to actually give birth to his children instead of adopting) character-beta a piece of H/D I wrote with the actual smoochies taken out, but all the flirting and innuendo left in.

Asking me "what do you get out of slash?" is kind of like "what do you get out of books?" (And yet, I could answer "what do you get out of 'ship fic?" Interesting, interesting.) Fabulous writing (let's be honest: helenish jotting off ideas for fic in her journal is overwhelmingly better written than most romance novels — and I love romance novels)! Pairings You'd Never Get In Canon ... to the maxxx!!!

And er, well, yes: porn. Porn, porn, porn, glorious porn. I'm pretty much a pornography addict, I'll admit it, but I can usually just smile cute and call it "erotica" and no one suggests I seek treatment. With bonus of the fact (and I honestly just realized this; yay introspection!) that there are no girls involved, so I don't have to work out my horrible issues with my own sexuality!


2. How does what you derive from all of these things differ a) from each other; b) from the source material; and c) from real life?
Um, not sure! I will get back to you later on this! Or, let's be honest, probably not; I have the memory of a goldfish.

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

3. If you're a writer as well as a reader, do you derive a different sort of experience from writing than from reading? How do the two compare? (If you're a vidder or artist, please feel free to talk about that, too.)
Reading is significantly less difficult, significantly less frustrating, I usually don't give up part of the way through, and I don't blush horribly and close the window when I get to the sex scenes. On the down side, it does make me feel slightly less accomplished — unless it's one of those absurdly long multi-chapter epics, I'm looking at you popfic, in which case it's kind of akin to running a marathon, except I can actually do it and also: porn!


4. What were your primary reasons for entering fandom--specifically slash fandom? What are your reasons for staying?
Ahahaha, oh god. Remember when everyone was telling you not to let your children onto the internet because they will — without even looking for it! it's just there! Waiting to ambush them! — end up looking at pornography? It's all true! I am that child.

No, honestly. 1996 (I think), the summer before fifth grade, when I was nine years old, my friend Gale introduced me to Sailor Moon. This was wonderful, wee!Jori thought: girls in short skirts (what can I say, I was precocious) fighting wacky monsters! And she was fond — ever, ever so fond! — of the first-season villains. Okay, thought wee!Jori, there must be more of this, and asked her father to teach her about the internet.

And oh, discover the internet she did. And what did she discover on the internet? That one of her beloved first-season villains, the girl of the bunch, was, in Japan, a boy. Impossible! She must do more research!

And by "do research" we mostly mean, as it turned out, "read porn."

I know, I know: I was nine. What could I possibly have gotten out of it? Well, this was before I was queer-identified, so that could have been some of it: seeing myself in characters without even realizing, &c. There's also the fact that, well, there was an awful lot of it — and I've never been anything if not obsessive. There's still an absurdly large bin of Happy Meal toys somewhere in our house, because I had to have them all, and god forbid my mother even suggest throwing them away.

At any rate, there was something else wee!Jori discovered on the internet: there were people who liked her! Oh of course, she had friends offline, but ... not an awful lot of them; she and Gale, really, were only friends because all the other girls in their summer camp group hated them. And not only that, people didn't realize how old (or rather, how young) she was! She could have intellectual, stimulating (or more often, crack-addled) conversation with people twice her age, and they'd never know! Now that Jori is less wee, she's occasionally unnerved by the amount of people in fandom younger than her.

So in sum: came out of pure curiosity, hung around for the porn (in about seventeen kajillion fandoms over the years), stayed for the friends.

aaaaaaaaand scene.

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

5. Why do you think slash fandom and slash fiction are the phenomena that they are?
Hm, well. I think slash is much more a "movement" for some people — I've definitely entered into debates with people that ended with me backing out going "woah, woah, you put way more thought into this than I do." I know to a lot of people it's all tied in with queer rights and women's rights and probably things like freedom of speech, and ... I'm sort of "get your politics out of my porno, plzthx."

Honestly, I think it's no more a phenomena than a sewing circle or a writers' workshop: what it is is much, much larger. I've definitely met people shocked (and sometimes a bit horrified) that there's an awful lot of people into this sort of thing — and further, I've met people who didn't discover fandom until far later in their lives than I did (not that that's hard), so I reckon there's far more of us, quietly writing Draco pining after Harry in Lisa Frank notebooks without any idea of all the people trading hardcore BDSM beastiality fic (or whatever; oh HP fandom, I do so adore you) on the web.

Absolutely, yes, fandom as we know it started with 'zines in the 70s, although I'm sure there were slashers-by-any-other-name in the times before, and I would never want to undermine their contributions, but for me, fandom is all about the internet.

And as hard as it is for me to admit, since I honestly do not remember a time before it, the internet is new. In a few generations, when no one remembers time before the internet? I think slash will be — maybe not popular approved of, maybe not popularly accepted, but popularly acknowledged at least. I think we're already making great headway: this is hardly the first "I'm writing a paper on slash; fill out my poll!" post that has popped up on my flist. It's making its way into academia, it's making its way into the papers, and I think generally it'll be just another thing people do.


... Um. I talk a lot.

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

You talk a lot, but it's good talk! Thank you!

"John can want validation and love without wanting Rodney's penis!"

Mmm...no, he can't. The two are intrinsically linked, sorry. *vbeg*

and actually skipped past the battle bits reading Lord of the Rings

That is because the battle scenes in Lord of the Rings are boring. As are a lot of the non-battle scenes...

Remember when everyone was telling you not to let your children onto the internet because they will — without even looking for it! it's just there! Waiting to ambush them! — end up looking at pornography? It's all true! I am that child.

I am also that child! Yay, go us!

And by "do research" we mostly mean, as it turned out, "read porn."

What I love is that right now, those two things mean exactly the same thing for me, and they're actually supposed to. Heh. Sometimes school is cool.

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

Well, Rodney's penis is very validating ;)

That is because the battle scenes in Lord of the Rings are boring. As are a lot of the non-battle scenes...
Oh god, yes. I am pleased that there is an ever-growing coalition of total geeks who are willing to admit that those books totally suck.

And dude, this is unfair. I want classes that make me read porn. :(( ← me right now. of jealousy.

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Seriously, there was a point in RotK where I was ready to strangle Tolkien if I saw one more "And lo!" or "And behold!" (dis)grace the page. I think I even wrote a post about it...

*digs*

Yep! April 2003! With allusions to 'Chicago,' apparently (http://www.livejournal.com/users/girlwithjournal/29645.html). *g*

:(( ← me right now. of jealousy.

Aww, you have a little unhappy froggy face! *pets you*

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

*DIES*

That is the best thing I have ever heard. HOLY CRAP.

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks. I kinda think so, too. (I'm allowed to be immodest if it's something I wrote more than two years ago, right? The author was practically a different person!)

And looky, I only got two comments. Aww, I used to be such a little fandom nobody...

Re: aaaaaaaaand scene.

[violin-road.livejournal.com]

Dude, whatever; I repeat things I say on the phone — like, to the same person — because I think I'm hysterical.

Anyway, yes. I just read that aloud to Ang, and she agrees that you are brilliant.