Ficlet for godofwine: Pony Up

[trinityofone]

godofwine, this is what happens when you are a smartass! *vbeg*

Pony Up

“You do realize that I’m not a nine-year-old girl, right?”

John appeared to think about this. “Yes,” he decided.

“You do realize that, considering the aforementioned fact that I am not a prepubescent female, but rather a mature, dignified, and supremely intelligent man, who, may I remind you, specifically asked for a FrogPad? Or one of those Swiss Army Knives with a built-in USB? Anyway, with all that in mind, what could possibly have made you think what I really wanted for my birthday was...”

Rodney trailed off, the word sticking in his throat. He gestured helplessly in the direction of the disputed gift. John nodded patiently, letting him take his time.

Finally, the necessary syllables squeaked out. “A pony?”

John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”

“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.

“How can you not want Rainbowberry?” John asked, scratching the pony’s chin.

“What? ‘Rainbowberry'?”

“That’s the pony’s name.”

“My pony is not named Rainbowberry!” Rodney was quite emphatic on this point.

“You can’t change her name now,” John explained patiently, “that’ll just confuse her.”

“I don’t care! What am I supposed to do when I need her to come, huh? Shout, ‘Hi-ho Rainbowberry’?”

John shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.

John chuckled. “Having a pony named Rainbowberry doesn’t make you gay, Rodney.”

“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”

John scratched his own chin, much as he had scratched Rainbowberry’s. “So...you don’t want the pony, then?”

“No! No, I don’t want the pony! I want...I want to go see what Radek got me, and when I get back, I want you to have come up with a proper present!” John opened his mouth. “And don’t say ‘a birthday blow job’!” Rodney hissed, shaking his finger at him. “I was going to get that anyway, so no cheating!” He slammed out of the room, a cry of, “I got you a skateboard!” echoing in his wake.

“So,” said Rainbowberry, after a moment. “When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”

“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.

“So in other words, never,” Rainbowberry said, flicking the shimmering strands of her pink and purple mane, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.

“Yep,” said John, and as the sprinking of glitter coated his eyelashes, proceeded to laugh himself hoarse.

*************

1. Um, I maintain full deniability regarding any and all puns.
2. There really is a My Little Pony called Rainbowberry. Hasbro, you sick bastards!

ETA: Illustration by dar_jeeling!



*dies* dar_jeeling = the god of men and ponies!

Most likely, I will not be able to write all of these this fast. As you can see, that's a good thing.

Comments

[slashfictionfan.livejournal.com]

I can't type for laughing...
*dies on keyboard*

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

This is a work of genius. The best pony story ever!
LOL!

[wychwood]

...oh. my.

I can't decide whether this is insanely funny, or just INSANE, because I'm laughing too hard.

“You do realize that I’m not a nine-year-old girl, right?”
John appeared to think about this. “Yes,” he decided.

Ahahahahahaha *chokes and falls over sideways*

[toniabarone.livejournal.com]

*ROTFL* There's a swiss army knife with a USB!? *LOL* Even if not, *L!*

*LOL* Oh, this was the best. Loved it! Thanks ever so for this. *snerk*

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

Toni:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/tools/6b3b/

[portsided.livejournal.com]

pfft..snerk.. PAHA *explodes with LAUGHTER* that is HILARIOUS. you are BRILLIANT xDD

[Duran Duran rocks! <3]

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

*dies of laughter*

Omg Rainbowberry. Pony! eee! Rodney totally sekritly loves her and is going to feed her sugar cubes.

[palebluebell.livejournal.com]

hehehe - Rainbowberry - Hi *ho* - hehehehe

A *pony* hehehe

No, can't write anything meaningful; too busy laughing.

-snerklechuckle-

[ship-recs.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

This is hilarious.

[4amcoffee.livejournal.com]

Would it be weird if I proposed to you? I mean, right now?

Because, you see, I am in love with your cracktastic brain.

*copy/pastes* *saves*

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

You are the most evil person ever. I love you to bits.
Rainbowberry... *dies*

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

You are so so awesome Trinity. You might be part of that religion I'm starting for scrunchy

[aurora]

Ahahahahaha, I can't stop laughing.

“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.
*dies*

[claire.livejournal.com]

Heee! A My Little Ancient Talking Pony!

[reginagiraffe]

The more I think about this, the funnier it gets!

You are a genius!

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

*snickers* oh, oh, oh, that was great. my favorite like:

“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarted!”

though, "retarted" is spelled, "retarded."

thank you for sharing!

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. That is officially the most embarrassing typo I have ever made.

Um... *looks around* Let's just pretend I did it on purpose, okay? *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

Thank you for telling me. In the future: spell check!

[mackeygenius.livejournal.com]

Rainbowberry?

Lol, wow, hysterically funny.
Loved it, cute drawing too.

[refracting.livejournal.com]

*is dead*

So very, very much love for you. <3

[nilla.livejournal.com]

That was freaking inspired!!! The picture by dar_jeeling is the icing on the cake XD Thanks for bringing ponies, Rainbowberry, sparkles, and a smile into my day!

[vylit.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA! This is SO WRONG and funny.

[lordelessar.livejournal.com]

oosh, you sure get lots of comments on stuff.

The pony thing piqued my curiosity so I read your little short story of hilarity. Very funny. Thanks for the chuckle.

[stellahobbit.livejournal.com]

Dude! Just...

*shakes head*

Awesome.

[clarkoholic.livejournal.com]

OMG this is so hilarious!

John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”

This is the best line! I love John. Great work!

[fourteenlines.livejournal.com]

Ow. Stomach muscles are cramped from the laughing. I...seriously, this is brilliant.


(And that PICTURE! *dies*)

[moxie-brown.livejournal.com]

I was going to put Rainbowberry (best name evah!) on my Amazon wishlist, but they only have Rainbow Swirl (what kind of name is that? sounds like a smoothie flavor). :(

*cough*

You can probably guess that RAINBOWBERRY Pony's favorite thing to drink is rainbowberry juice! She invented it herself one day, by mixing all the yummy fruit juices she could find!

See Rodney, she can cook! She can make a non-citrus fruit punch just for you!

RAINBOWBERRY Pony's mane and tail are super-long! Brush her beautiful rainbow-colored locks and fashion them however you like for different occasions! You can even use the cute ribbon barrette as you style! RAINBOWBERRY Pony is thrilled that a great friend like you can help her find the perfect hairstyle for another pretty day in PONYVILLE! Pony figure comes with crown, barrette with ribbon and brush.

Well no wonder John likes her so much. She probably uses more product than he does. And fuck, they can all take turns wearing the crown.

[ellex42.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Very funny.

I'm still trying to get over the fact that My Little Pony's came back. Maybe I shouldn't have given away my collection from the first time around.