Ficlet for godofwine: Pony Up

[trinityofone]

godofwine, this is what happens when you are a smartass! *vbeg*

Pony Up

“You do realize that I’m not a nine-year-old girl, right?”

John appeared to think about this. “Yes,” he decided.

“You do realize that, considering the aforementioned fact that I am not a prepubescent female, but rather a mature, dignified, and supremely intelligent man, who, may I remind you, specifically asked for a FrogPad? Or one of those Swiss Army Knives with a built-in USB? Anyway, with all that in mind, what could possibly have made you think what I really wanted for my birthday was...”

Rodney trailed off, the word sticking in his throat. He gestured helplessly in the direction of the disputed gift. John nodded patiently, letting him take his time.

Finally, the necessary syllables squeaked out. “A pony?”

John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”

“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.

“How can you not want Rainbowberry?” John asked, scratching the pony’s chin.

“What? ‘Rainbowberry'?”

“That’s the pony’s name.”

“My pony is not named Rainbowberry!” Rodney was quite emphatic on this point.

“You can’t change her name now,” John explained patiently, “that’ll just confuse her.”

“I don’t care! What am I supposed to do when I need her to come, huh? Shout, ‘Hi-ho Rainbowberry’?”

John shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.

John chuckled. “Having a pony named Rainbowberry doesn’t make you gay, Rodney.”

“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”

John scratched his own chin, much as he had scratched Rainbowberry’s. “So...you don’t want the pony, then?”

“No! No, I don’t want the pony! I want...I want to go see what Radek got me, and when I get back, I want you to have come up with a proper present!” John opened his mouth. “And don’t say ‘a birthday blow job’!” Rodney hissed, shaking his finger at him. “I was going to get that anyway, so no cheating!” He slammed out of the room, a cry of, “I got you a skateboard!” echoing in his wake.

“So,” said Rainbowberry, after a moment. “When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”

“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.

“So in other words, never,” Rainbowberry said, flicking the shimmering strands of her pink and purple mane, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.

“Yep,” said John, and as the sprinking of glitter coated his eyelashes, proceeded to laugh himself hoarse.

*************

1. Um, I maintain full deniability regarding any and all puns.
2. There really is a My Little Pony called Rainbowberry. Hasbro, you sick bastards!

ETA: Illustration by dar_jeeling!



*dies* dar_jeeling = the god of men and ponies!

Most likely, I will not be able to write all of these this fast. As you can see, that's a good thing.

Comments

[kirana-44.livejournal.com]

*laughs a lot* man I wish the pony I had when I was little was a talking pony that would have been much cooler then Candybar the slowest animal on four legs.

[fairestcat]

*giggles helplessly*

[wagacca.livejournal.com]

I was not expecting this and it just hit me at the end. I laughed out loud in public, wished I could share the joke, but knew it wouldn't be appreciated quite as much. This is truly wonderful. Your creativity astounds me :)

[nakedwesley.livejournal.com]

This is the line that got me started:

“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.

Ow Ow OW! I think I broke something. OMG!

[thimblepony.livejournal.com]

I love it when my fandoms collide.*hearts you so much*
Though I will definitely never look at Rainbowberry the same way again.
Thanks for the laugh! *g*

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

Pru is on stolen internet; so I had to cut and paste so she could see the glory that is this story.

svmadelyn: you read the pony fic right?
rageprufrock : probably not
rageprufrock : hahaha
rageprufrock : i'm astonished i'm even on IM
rageprufrock : and no
svmadelyn: oh my GOD
svmadelyn: OH MY GOD
rageprufrock : i'm spending most of my time kind of...chillaxing
rageprufrock : it's really awesome
svmadelyn: I read this before work
svmadelyn: and just spent the day smiling to myself
svmadelyn: THE PONY.
svmadelyn: and aww, chillaxing. you and your southern slang things.
svmadelyn: *pastepastepaste*
rageprufrock : SHUT UP.
svmadelyn: Rodney trailed off, the word sticking in his throat. He gestured helplessly in the direction of the disputed gift. John nodded patiently, letting him take his time.

Finally, the necessary syllables squeaked out. “A pony?”

John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”

“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.

“How can you not want Rainbowberry?” John asked, scratching the pony’s chin.
svmadelyn: “What? ‘Rainbowberry'?”

“That’s the pony’s name.”

“My pony is not named Rainbowberry!” Rodney was quite emphatic on this point.

“You can’t change her name now,” John explained patiently, “that’ll just confuse her.”
rageprufrock : *GRINS*
rageprufrock : OMG
rageprufrock : JOHN GOT RODNEY A PONY
svmadelyn: “I don’t care! What am I supposed to do when I need her to come, huh? Shout, ‘Hi-ho Rainbowberry’?”

John shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.

John chuckled. “Having a pony named Rainbowberry doesn’t make you gay, Rodney.”

“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”
rageprufrock : *RUNS AROUND SQUEALING*
svmadelyn: WAIT FOR IT
svmadelyn: WAIT FOR IT
svmadelyn: John scratched his own chin, much as he had scratched Rainbowberry’s. “So...you don’t want the pony, then?”

“No! No, I don’t want the pony! I want...I want to go see what Radek got me, and when I get back, I want you to have come up with a proper present!” John opened his mouth. “And don’t say ‘a birthday blow job’!” Rodney hissed, shaking his finger at him. “I was going to get that anyway, so no cheating!” He slammed out of the room, a cry of, “I got you a skateboard!” echoing in his wake.

svmadelyn: “So,” said Rainbowberry, after a moment. “When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”

“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.

“So in other words, never,” Rainbowberry said, flicking the shimmering strands of her pink and purple mane, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.

“Yep,” said John, and as the sprinking of glitter coated his eyelashes, proceeded to laugh himself hoarse.
svmadelyn: *GLEE; FILLED WITH GLEE*
rageprufrock : *DIES WITH JOY*
rageprufrock : OMG SO MUCH JOY
svmadelyn: ANCIENT. PONY.
svmadelyn: I would get a moment in between clients today
svmadelyn: and think RAINBOWBERRY
svmadelyn: and just SMILE
svmadelyn: and I was freaking everyone out.
svmadelyn: it was *great*
rageprufrock : *DIES WITH JOY*
svmadelyn: YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT.
rageprufrock : I DO NOT CARE
rageprufrock : *DIES AGAIN WITH JOY*
rageprufrock : no seriously
rageprufrock : that's the most hilarious and awesome thing EVAR
rageprufrock : omg Rainbowberry
rageprufrock : seriously--it will never not be funny
svmadelyn: ....point.
svmadelyn: I think I owned that pony.
svmadelyn: I had an extensive my little pony collection.
svmadelyn: even the ones you could scratch and they'd smell like muffins.
svmadelyn: also, this conversation is her feedback. because, omg pony.
rageprufrock : *bites lip*

[duskyfox.livejournal.com]

*shakes head*

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

What a gorgeous gorgeous bit of fun. So beautifully written and fun and wonderful. I think I'm a little bit in love with you *right now*

[mcalex22.livejournal.com]

I cracked up laughing right after reading it! OMG, it's incredibly hillarious.

I wonder if we can get swiss army knives with inbuilt USB drives???? That would be awesome.

Rainbowberry?

[kuwdora.livejournal.com]

its 2:30am.

I was about to go to bed. Started cruisin' LJ.

I read your fic.

I'm saying "WHAT?"

so I reread it

cause its 2:30am.

and OMG

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhaaaaaaaaa...haaaa...

[jissa.livejournal.com]

oh my god, this is CRACK! Completely brilliant crack, mind you, but crack none the less. . . .

Thanks for sharing, though, it's certainly amused me

[copracat]

Surely it should be, "Hi ho, Rainbowberry, away!"??

You are so very wrong in a very, very right way.

[fenris_wolf0]

♥

[pegasus-01.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! RAINBOWBERRY!!!! *DIES LAUGHING!!!*

[j00j.livejournal.com]

afgdshgtreasdfaslfkja;lsd OMFG ANCIENT PONY! GLITTER! *dies of laughing*

[spaggel.livejournal.com]

askjdlk YES, OMG, YES. *LOVES ALL OVER YOU*

Anything with John and a pink, sparkly animal THAT TALKS. asdjkh as well as pisses Rodney off is like, worth it's weight in gold. GOLD.

Pure Comedic Gold.

[floridapeaches.livejournal.com]

*dies* *looks/reads again* *dies more*

“When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”
“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

[overchay.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard, I started choking. ... I LOVE you.

[akimi-hime.livejournal.com]

....*dead* This has got to be the cutest, funniest, most spontaneous-combustion-inducing thing I have ever read.

"Hi-ho, Rainbowberry!" *ROFLMAO*

[live-brave.livejournal.com]

Before I read your footnotes I was gonna swear there was a My Little Pony named Rainbowberry...god, who comes up with these things?! :)

"Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!"

Hi-larious! Thanks for the pick-me-up! :D

[forensicxjunkie.livejournal.com]

I'm....going...into...convulsions...*ragged breath* *wheeze* dude, I think I just burned of my pork chop dinner because I was laughing so hard.

[agentotter.livejournal.com]

OMFGPONY. That's all I got. OMFG.

Oh God!

[lishel_fracrium.livejournal.com]

I..RTFLMAO I can't even say the pony's name. oh wow that's so awesome. *cackles*

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

heee!!Crack!

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

Somehow...I missed this in my travels.

“Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”

And that would be the point where I busted out laughing and could not stop. OMG, SGA has the best crackfic hands down.