SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

The great thing about being in love with Rodney, John thought happily as he walked through Atlantis' halls, hailing all those he passed by with a cheery smile and greeting, was that Rodney was all the things that women weren't; intelligent and sensible-- "Oh, hi Elizabeth!" -- physically strong and firmly muscled-- "Excuse me, Teyla!" -- blunt and direct, not weepy or sentimental-- "Afternoon, Lt. Cadman!" -- able to take control in the bedroom-- "Mara, what are you doing on Atlantis? Stop following me!" -- in fact, as John had lately discovered, Rodney was superior to any woman who had ever existed, simply by virtue of being a man.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Oooh, sharp like a knife, that one is. (I especially like the appearance of Mara--now there's something I never thought I'd say!)

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

I just especially, ESPECIALLY love stories where Rodney whips his clothes off and shoves John down onto the floor or a bed or whatever and John thinks happily, "Wow, no woman would ever be this sexually aggressive!"

He's a very special John with goldfish memory. *pets his fuzzy little head*

[siria]

This is funny depressing funny because it's true.

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

I know, it's almost cheating to steal a bunch of REAL worst sentences and combine them into a FRANKENSTEIN worst sentence. ^_^

[siria]

Almost cheating; but the combination of horrified laughter and brain aneurysms induced are still real, so I think it counts. *g*

[lydiabell.livejournal.com]

Brilliant!

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

[hieronymousmosh.livejournal.com]

Ohhh I love that so very, very much. It also kind of makes me want to hurt things . . .

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

*hee hee* My work here is done!

[downloadable08.livejournal.com]

You just keep thinking that, John...