SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

I have to spork my own eyes to do this.

[shusu.livejournal.com]

"Baby, Rodmeister, don't be like that," John begged.

There was a tragic rending of synthetic cloth as the pain in those lapis lazuli eyes overflowed into the rage of a thousand overloading naquadah generators. "You!" the word cleaved the gateroom, sending techs hiding under their Ancient consoles.

And then John knew, deep in his flyboy heart, that years of sexual adequacy and deep-seated repression were coming to a throat-clenching end.

Re: I have to spork my own eyes to do this.

[shusu.livejournal.com]

Oops, missing a line break. ^^;

Re: I have to spork my own eyes to do this.

[no-detective.livejournal.com]

*cries*

I'm mostly commenting so I can use this icon re: first entry.

(And that last one is BRILLIANT.)

Re: I have to spork my own eyes to do this.

[shusu.livejournal.com]

Hee. I should've struck out the "And then" but oh well. *giggles at your icon*

Re: I have to spork my own eyes to do this.

[vileseagulls.livejournal.com]

...I ...just ... your icon!

also, omg. *dies*