SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

Whee! What great ideas you have!

John's heart had swelled like a budding yeast colony many a time at the sound of his love Rodney's musical voice, but today it sank more quickly than a corpse weighted down with cement galoshes when he walked into the Medlab and heard Rodney utter these fateful words:

"Carson, does this look like crabs to you?"

[siria]

*rocks backwards and forwards and cries*

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

*wins*

[siria]

It's like you delight in causing me pain!

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

:( But isn't that the point of this exercise? *g* Oh come on, no WAY am I worse than the Carson-and-his-mom three-way. :D

[siria]

True. It's a well-known fact that Trin gets her kicks from giving me a facial tic. She may look small and harmless, but it's all a front, I tell you!

[neery.livejournal.com]

swelled like a budding yeast colony

*shudders* God, I once had a German teacher who encouraged us to use metaphors like that. I so wish I still had the opportunity to hand in a story with this sentence.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

LOL! My sympathies for your tragic childhood. :)