SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[wychwood]

It was a dark and stormy night - although not as stormy as the night of the Genii invasion, when Koyla had destroyed the fragile serenity of his lover (for Rodney's blustering surface hid the tragic inner depths of his delicate soul from the cruel, hard eyes of the world) and John's heart had been defiled by the ruthless slaughter of so many evil, sadistic Genii warriors - not even as wild as the first night back after their trip to Earth, and the terrible struggle with the Wraith virus that tried to take over the Daedalus, John struggling with Caldwell's obstructionist, sour-grapes stance in order to save all their lives - in fact, perhaps "light rain" would have been a better description of the night when John tripped in the corridor and spilt his tea on the floor.

[wychwood]

PS: Perhaps you should (if you can bear the pain) make all the possible sentences into a set of polls for people to vote on? Or get a few people to narrow it down for you, like a panel, and then have a public vote for the winner(s). That way you can enter,too :)

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't really care about winning myself, but I thought--since I'm going to have a hell of a time choosing, among other things--that I'd pick however many favorites LJ allows in a poll, and have people vote for the grand prize from those. Then I'll make up funny Runner-Up titles for the rest. Does that sound good, do you think?

[wychwood]

Yes! You are teh Smrt.

*goes away to think of more sentences* *g*

[cincodemaygirl.livejournal.com]

Dishonorable mentions, remember.

For the record, 2005'efore the next year winners were funnier, but it seems that they take them down before the next year is awarded.

[cincodemaygirl.livejournal.com]

OMG, GENIUS.

[wychwood]

*g* Thanks.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

That was FANTASTIC. An instant classic. Light rain!