SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[pandarus.livejournal.com]

::cracks knuckles. chews bottom lip meditatively::

1) It was the day that Rodney's brain exploded.

2) John surprised and aroused in equal measure when he found out what Teyla's Solo Stick Sessions REALLY entailed.

3) Michael the Wraith picked up a copy of Oprah Magazine as he slid into place next to Galadriel and Lucius Malfoy, and tried to decide whether he had the nerve to go for a perm this time, or just to stick with having his roots done.

4) Ronon smiled shyly and stretched out his arms, as John stepped up behind him and pressed the full length of his body to the prow of the Titanic.

5) Legolas was the best lover that Rodney McKay had EVER had.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Those last three...the laughter just built and built and BUILT...

I think McKay/Legolas is what finally killed me. But there's angst ahead, because eventually Rodney would find out that his lover was really a retrovirused Wraith...

[rokeon.livejournal.com]

Okay, someone needs to draw a picture for #3. Right now. With Michael in foils and Galadriel under one of those old beehive-style hairdryers.