SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

Hermiod stretches his back, causing it to arch like a bow, or like a rainbow, or the roof of a Volkswagen Beetle, and asks, "Should we try to repeat the experience, Dr. Kavanagh?" and Kavanagh, his hair loose over his shoulders and his eyes slightly unfocused without his glasses on, runs his hand down Hermiod's smooth flank and says, "Please, call me Percy."

*******

This is where I start wishing brain-bleach actually existed.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

*meep*

And yet, at the same time, I find it almost romantic...

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

*runs into corner, crouches, rocks, mutters to self*

[ceitie.livejournal.com]

Aaah! Aaaah! *pause* Aaaaaaaah!
Mental. Eye. Burning.

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

All part of my dastardly plan. (See below for helpful details.)

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

MY EYES! OMG MY EYES I NEED THEM FOR SEEING.

SHUN!

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, it appears I have blinded more than one person and caused brain damage in several others. Eeeeeeexcellent. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! *pets fluffy white cat, makes final arrangements for sharks with laser beams attached to their foreheads*