SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[stellahobbit.livejournal.com]

#1 - You slink into his room; nostrils twitching like your second favourite cat (the one that died of overeating) as his beguiling scent wafts, wafts towards you like that pole dancer you once gave $20 to for a lap dance in that seedy bar in Toronto, not realising she was actually Todd, the guy that was two years above you in school and had played the tuba in the school band until it was too late.

#2 – When Rodney had sexily whispered to John of his flexibility, John thought he was just boasting, but there was no way in hell someone who hadn't had proper training would be able to contort their body into that position, and also be able to maintain it while their arse was getting lovingly pounded by some Air Force cock.

[hth-the-first.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what really makes that first one *go* -- it's either the tuba, or the repetition of "wafts, wafts." This is a sentence of many mysteries, and I bow down before it.

[stellahobbit.livejournal.com]

Wafts. WAFTS, I tell you.

It could also be the painful first person POV.