SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[wychwood]

The arrival of Alyssyynn Ravenwing Adoracion Liraelle Snape Xavier-Lehnsherr Kirk, tossing her beautiful luxuriant auburn hair out of her iridiscent silvery purple eyes, sent the whole of Atlantis into a ferment of love surpassed only by the joyful reaction to the news that Teyla was about to carry out the traditional Athosian ceremony (as passed down from the mighty Ancients but obviously not that evil bitch Chaya, perhaps it was Janus' idea because I like him and he was kind of hot, you know?) to eternally bind together the twin souls of John Sheppard and his darling Roddykins, sadistic scourge of the Science department and frequent tear-inducer in the Marines - not because they were weak or effeminate, but because his grasp of scathing insults like "did you get your degree from Clown College" was so shattering to their egos that they simply could not withstand the pain - surpassed, as I say, only by that, because everyone adored Liri (as she liked to be known) so wholeheartedly that all the couples and threesomes in the city broke up (except for Johnny and Roddy, of course) in order to spend more time caring for her and doing their best to fulfil her every whim, whether it be for something as minor as the remote for Jumper One (previously John's favourite, but even he could not withstand the sight of the crystalline tears in her limpid argent pools) or as major as the brand-new ZPM, which Rodney handed over to her happily just before she left through the wormhole, crying, "Ha ha, suckers!".

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

That is the best Mary Sue story EVER written!

his grasp of scathing insults like "did you get your degree from Clown College" was so shattering to their egos that they simply could not withstand the pain

This, especially, wins. *g*

[siria]

*holds up scorecard proclaiming '10'*

[furina-1975.livejournal.com]

But does Alyssyynn Ravenwing Adoracion Liraelle Snape Xavier-Lehnsherr Kirk smell like vanilla all the time even without having to use perfume?

[wychwood]

No, no, she smells of a delicate blend of sandalwood, frankincense and lemongrass, fragrant and subtle as everything about her *g*.

(Or maybe Aqua Velva)

[furina-1975.livejournal.com]

Hee. I bet she even smells like that even if she hasn't showered for a few days.