SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

last one because i'm scaring myself.

[veracity]

Bates watched as his superior welcomed back a magically healed (and way hotter, though he’d deny that to his dying day) and full of intel Lieutenant Ford into the team as Ronon was pushed back to Sateda without a by-him-leave, and with the brawny hulk of a man went his vitriolic but never be the same heart; a single tear out of his left eye slide down his cheek as he remained hidden behind the same pillar Dr. Weir had stood behind when Janus and the Ancient left during that first tragic expedition very few people knew about; he would get revenge for taking his well-endowed lover away from, and he’d start with that Athosian native bitch Teyla.

(Oh, lord. I think I broke my brain on that one.)