SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

Still not seeing it coming...

[cyanne]

Yay, a competition where my talent for runon sentences is actually a good thing. Here goes, thanks much for letting me play:

"Why do I never see these things coming, " John thought frantically as he felt the telltale tingle of the ancient converter beam transforming his body into yet another alien form, hoping that this time he wouldn't be covered in fur as he remembered when he and Rodney had temporarily become cute fluffy bunnies that the nurses, both male and female, couldn't seem to stop petting, not that he minded being petted but Rodney had complained for a week that if he was going to be turned into something fuzzy why couldn't he at least be a cat, but the bunnies were nothing compared to the time when he'd been turned into a panda bear and couldn't stop craving the Pegasus version of bamboo for weeks after he'd returned to human form or the occasion he'd become a cross between an eagle and a hawk that was the color of a canary but the flying had been cool and some days he still missed that but, of course, of all the things the glowing devices had turned him into over the years this was by far the worst, eclipsing the time when their entire team had been turned into a pack of ravenous ligers (Ford's disastrous attempt to name the lion/tiger hybrid), the two weeks spent as drooling dragons, or the memorable occasion when he and Rodney had morphed into penguins, the chance to have sex in public almost being worth the teasing that followed for a month after, but even more annoyingly Rodney still hadn't let up about the time John had become a pseudo chia pet, jokes about his hair apparently never got old (neither did the Kirk jokes come to think of it and those were even more annoying) but even that experience paled in comparison to becoming an inanimate object, there really wasn't anything in the universe like discovering you'd been turned into a pumpkin just after the Daedalus had arrived with a barrel of whipped cream and it being near Thanksgiving back on Earth, the combination of factors being a much more dangerous fate than being a pumpkin sounded like at first blush, but all in all John supposed he should be grateful he'd never been turned into a quivering pile of lemon jello or a flying spaghetti monster, but it was the Pegasus Galaxy and therefore most probably only a matter of time before that happened, but he put off worrying about the future in favor of wishing with all his might that Rodney could fix this quickly because being a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater really, really sucked.

Re: Still not seeing it coming...

[bibliotech.livejournal.com]

...you are a god.

Re: Still not seeing it coming...

[cyanne]

Hee, thanks. It was fun to do.

Re: Still not seeing it coming...

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

Wow. How can my BRAIN be out of breath?

Re: Still not seeing it coming...

[cyanne]

I broke somebody, yay. Thanks, and thanks again for running this, it's been a blast.