Amazing! True!
Aug. 3rd, 2006 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityofoneReading The National Enquirer, which I—swear to God—have had to do this morning for work, is not unlike reading bad fanfic.
Did you know...?
...That Johnny Depp is a closeted homosexual and (even better) a former cutter?
...That Ellen DeGeneres is insanely jealous of the men girlfriend Portia de Rossi can't stop flirting with (including Jeremy Piven, apparently)?
...That Woody Allen wants to stop Scarlett Johansson from hooking up with Wilmer Valderrama because he's "not good enough for her"...or is there another secret motive behind his displeasure?
...That Angelina Jolie walked in on Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston having sex? (And then decided to join in, I assume—or at least, that's the way any semi-decent badfic would go.)
Which doesn't even touch on all the creepy stuff about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and their invisible, alien baby. Or the last page of the July 24 Enquirer, which features a kitty in a hoodie who is apparently some sort of criminal mastermind.
Also, I can't quite believe that this is real. And yet, my newly warped perception of reality aside, it is!
Now I have to go back to reading about Star Jones' dramatic weight loss/firing/feud with Barbara Walters/troubled marriage to her gay husband. That sound you hear? That's my brain cells not so much evaporating as imploding.
Did you know...?
...That Johnny Depp is a closeted homosexual and (even better) a former cutter?
...That Ellen DeGeneres is insanely jealous of the men girlfriend Portia de Rossi can't stop flirting with (including Jeremy Piven, apparently)?
...That Woody Allen wants to stop Scarlett Johansson from hooking up with Wilmer Valderrama because he's "not good enough for her"...or is there another secret motive behind his displeasure?
...That Angelina Jolie walked in on Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston having sex? (And then decided to join in, I assume—or at least, that's the way any semi-decent badfic would go.)
Which doesn't even touch on all the creepy stuff about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and their invisible, alien baby. Or the last page of the July 24 Enquirer, which features a kitty in a hoodie who is apparently some sort of criminal mastermind.
Also, I can't quite believe that this is real. And yet, my newly warped perception of reality aside, it is!
Now I have to go back to reading about Star Jones' dramatic weight loss/firing/feud with Barbara Walters/troubled marriage to her gay husband. That sound you hear? That's my brain cells not so much evaporating as imploding.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-03 10:37 pm (UTC)Isn't that one of the best animations ever? And isn't it nice that the body-building mortuary workers can be there to comfort you after you bury grandma?