Fannish Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

Smart Bitches Trashy Books is having a contest in honor of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Winners. Two years ago, I held a similar contest. I feel like it's time to bring it back—with a vengeance!

Here are the rules:

1. Comment with the worst sentence you can imagine opening a fic. I am opening this up to any and all fandoms this year, with the caveat that, as the initial judge, I may be more partial to fandoms I am familiar with. Note: the sentence should be a sentence. Crazy punctuation is fine and even encouraged, but opening paragraphs will not be counted. ETA: You're welcome to make as many entries as you like. I'd recommend one per comment for clarity, but I'm not gonna be a stickler on that.

2. On Thursday morning-ish, I will choose my ten favorite entries for everyone to vote on. Feel free to comment on your favorite entries; my opinions on matters unpolitical can often be swayed. ;-)

3. Voting will run through the weekend; on Monday I will announce the winners and possibly some runners-up. There will be prizes! (Most likely a selection of used books on numerous enchanting subjects.)

4. Feel free to link! Let's see if we can make this an omnifannish extravaganza.

And...go!

Comments

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

"Go away," John said sullenly to whoever it was who was pounding on the door as he prayed that the City who loved him and protected him would keep his doors locked tightly against all who would invade his much needed privacy in his darkest, most despondent time of deprivation, despair and no hair gel.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

OK, the "no hair gel" that had me laughing so hard I spat steamed cod fish at the screen, thank you. Poor John, he just has to get out his Hello Kitty diary and write out some emo angst poems "Hair Gel, My Hair Gel, By: JOHN SHEPPARD," I can almost hear the stanzas now...

[vanitashaze.livejournal.com]

Hair Gel, My Hair Gel, By: JOHN SHEPPARD

Hair gel, my glorious hair gel
How beloved is your sticky un-symmetry
You make my hair stand on end
(Like my you-know-what when I spot McKay)
And even in my darkest hour, you've been my faithful companion
Sticking with me to me through thick and thin,
The slightest waft of your subtly manly scent
Convincing me that, together, we would always triumph win- !
Hair gel, without you, I don't know what I could possibly do
Except, of course, invest in some glue.

...I couldn't resist.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

Hair gel, without you, I don't know what I could possibly do
Except, of course, invest in some glue.

This was pure poetic genius, especially the last line, which resonates with my aura on a galactic level and brought tears to my eyes and also made my ears ring in sheer cosmic joy.