SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

When Laura finally agreed to a threesome, Carson couldn't believe his luck; his mother would be so pleased.

[siria]

OH GOD TRIN MY BRAIN.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

What? Carson's mum wants her son to be happy! What's wrong with that? *blinks innocently*

[siria]

I'm just sad that his favourite inflatable sheep, Fluffy, will be feeling neglected thanks to all this. You know I'm all about kindness to animals.

[neery.livejournal.com]

Not only her brain! *glares at trin*

[cincodemaygirl.livejournal.com]

You can't win your own contest, but oh...my god, I think you just did.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I'm honored, thank you. *g* Maybe I should buy myself a candy bar as a reward?

[fairestcat]

GAHHHHHHHHH!!

It's in my brain, get it out, get it out!!!

[bruinsfan.livejournal.com]

Bravo! This would have been even more traumatic for me to read if I didn't already have the mental image of Laura Cadman's horrified expression upon seeing Carson's quarters for the first time, complete with its candlelit shrine to the giant painting of Mrs. Beckett that hangs over the headboard of his bed. You just know that was his one personal item on the original mission.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

I always picture Carson's closet to be kind of like Steve Martin-the-dentist's in Little Shop of Horrors. "Oh, momma!"

[zee.livejournal.com]

*claws wordlessly at inner eye*

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

It burns! It burns! Somebody please give me some chlorine and a bottle brush so I can scrub out my brain!

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

You actually made John/Dr. Phil seem like the less scary choice. *is equally horrified and awed by you*

[amyheartssiroc.livejournal.com]

I am disturbed. But in a good way. I think.

[dancinguniverse.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is just wrong!

[stillane.livejournal.com]

Ahem. Ow.

That would be my brain expressing its pain. Inadequately. Do it again?

[meivocis.livejournal.com]

Okay, I lied. SO MUCH LOVE.

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

Dude, I twitched. I'm stabbing you with my camping spork for that.