SGA Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

cincodemaygirl pointed out that the winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. This is the contest where people try to create the worst opening sentence of a novel EVER. Glancing over the winners, I remembered that ages back someone had done a BtVS version of the contest. (My favorite entry was, and still is, "I'm back!" Riley said.) And I thought: Dude, we need to have the SGA version of this, like, yesterday.

So! Comment here with the worst possible sentence you can imagine opening an SGA fic. On Friday morning, I'll pick a winner and maybe a few runners-up and there will be prizes of some kind. (Maybe fic, maybe something else.) Hopefully, if enough people play, this will be entertaining enough to get us through to the premiere.

I may also compose a few bad sentences myself, although obviously, I am not qualified to win my own contest. *g* Oh, and please feel free to pimp this!

Okay...go!

ETA: In response to a question: Yes, you can enter as many times as you want. *eg*

Comments

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

Ok, so I saw this and couldnt resist.

"Thats the last time I let John persuade me to get drunk with him," Rodney said as he rubbed the lipstick from his swolen lips and glanced down at his naked, tatood body, and the shaved leg that was shackled to the Stargate."

or

"John swept down the stairs of the gateroom like something out of a Danielle Steel novel: all long legs and sequened dress."

[cerri44.livejournal.com]

I like that secondone... :D just to get that picture right... what colour is his dress? ^^

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

Why, gold of course. And matching Gold stilleto heels. Nothing but the best for our boy

[cerri44.livejournal.com]

perfect... how bout a tiara?

[rokeon.livejournal.com]

And those dangly diamond earrings...

[cerri44.livejournal.com]

hm... I dunno if chandeliers go with his haircut *ponders* but big diamonds yes yes

[rokeon.livejournal.com]

I'm now picturing John with that big poofy hairstyle Elizabeth Taylor has in her perfume commercial. It's bad.

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

I dunno. We dont want him to be too flashy. Just the gold sequenned dress, the gold heels, the tiara and the flashing neon "Take me Rodney, I'm yours!" that he's convinced Ronon to carry around behind him with the arrow pointing straight at him.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lemon_lyman_/]

ah, but what colour is the neon? yellow or blue would be fine, but red or green is just over the top, and we certainly wouldn't want that.

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

I agree. We dont want over the top. Thats just tacky and a little bit cheesy. How about blue words surrounded by yellow? to highlight it?



Ooh! John's hair must have highlights. They're the in thing daaaaling

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lemon_lyman_/]

oooh, but you must be careful when you get into highlighting the hair; if you don't have just the right makeup to go with it, the look is ruined.

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

Damn, you got a point there. We'll have to make sure he's 'artfully' highlighted