Fannish Bulwer-Lytton Contest!

[trinityofone]

Smart Bitches Trashy Books is having a contest in honor of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Winners. Two years ago, I held a similar contest. I feel like it's time to bring it back—with a vengeance!

Here are the rules:

1. Comment with the worst sentence you can imagine opening a fic. I am opening this up to any and all fandoms this year, with the caveat that, as the initial judge, I may be more partial to fandoms I am familiar with. Note: the sentence should be a sentence. Crazy punctuation is fine and even encouraged, but opening paragraphs will not be counted. ETA: You're welcome to make as many entries as you like. I'd recommend one per comment for clarity, but I'm not gonna be a stickler on that.

2. On Thursday morning-ish, I will choose my ten favorite entries for everyone to vote on. Feel free to comment on your favorite entries; my opinions on matters unpolitical can often be swayed. ;-)

3. Voting will run through the weekend; on Monday I will announce the winners and possibly some runners-up. There will be prizes! (Most likely a selection of used books on numerous enchanting subjects.)

4. Feel free to link! Let's see if we can make this an omnifannish extravaganza.

And...go!

Comments

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

"Oh God," John gasped as Teyla panted and huffed and groaned and swore like a Marine, "I want to help, but I can't...oh ick...I know the baby's coming...it's...you've got lady parts!

[wolfshark]

*loses it*

Dammit, how am I supposed to explain this to the office manager?

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Are you mocking John's Gay Man Pain?!

[wolfshark]

Absolutely not! I'm sitting here sobbing for him (okay, laughing, but it sounds a lot alike?)

[thingswithwings.livejournal.com]

this doesn't strike me as bad so much as entirely plausible alternate canon.

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

John Sheppard's greatest fears:

1. Emotions
2. Lady parts
3. His hair being flat

(Not necessarily in that order.)

[thingswithwings.livejournal.com]

4. people finding out that he's a big homo
5. the possibility that he might be a big homo
6. that scene in Ghostbusters 2 with the evil lava in the bathtub

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

"Go away," John said sullenly to whoever it was who was pounding on the door as he prayed that the City who loved him and protected him would keep his doors locked tightly against all who would invade his much needed privacy in his darkest, most despondent time of deprivation, despair and no hair gel.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Yeah he sure shoved the "take care of the lady in labor" task on Rodney pretty damn fast, didn't he?

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

I find it amusing that Sheppard appears to believe that there really are "girl cooties."

[zillah975]

LOLOL!

[wychwood]

Ahahaha, John's life: so hard

*uses icon of ahahaha such inappropriateness*

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

It's hard out there for a gay Lt. Colonel, yo.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Ooops! My bad. ;)

[ladyoflisquill.livejournal.com]

LOL! Oh my god, so funny.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

Hee! Too awesome.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *grins*

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

That strikes me as an utterly plausible first sentence.

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

Ah-hahaha! But I agree -- this is all too plausible; I'm pretty sure it's canon.

[ariadne83]

Hahahahaha oh John!

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Please tell me there is a story that goes with your icon. *stares*

[ariadne83]

Not yet. It's based on a manip by unamaga. JFlan gets my vote to play Frankie if the MTV remake goes ahead...

[saldemonium.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing* Oh God. You win!