Giant cartoon asses & existential dilemmas

[trinityofone]

I just received a press release for a show about a giant cartoon ass that fights crime. A GIANT CARTOON ASS THAT FIGHTS CRIME. *cries*

This...may be only tangentially related to giant cartoon asses, but god, I want to change what I'm doing, change my life so badly. This feels like such a dead end and it's so depressing. I start thinking crazy thoughts like, "I could join the army!" "I could become a cop!" "I could become a stewardess flight attendant!" Because that at least would be different. But I'd probably be miserable doing those things, too.

I feel like I need to do something bold, take some sort of leap of faith, but not only am I a coward, I don't even know what kind of leap to take. What the hell should I do with myself? How come I don't even really know what I want anymore?

I was at a party the other night and one of my parents' friends, who's an entertainment journalist and who I worked as a PA for one summer during college, was there. It was the first time I'd seen her since I graduated. She said, "So, you're working at an entertainment magazine now? You went to Berkeley for that?" She was "kidding," but...Jesus Christ, why am I doing this? What the hell am I doing with my life?

How do I change?

Comments

[introductory.livejournal.com]

I have never had this sort of dilemma, as I haven't been to college yet (!) and have no idea whether I'll make it in the real world, but here's this: you are alive, and you're making something of yourself, and it's all right for you to be unhappy with what it is you're doing. No one would fault you if you quit.

And as for taking that leap: just do it. I may have no experience in this sort of thing at all but if you fail the first time, there's always the next. As you said yourself, you have so many options (though perhaps joining the army might be a very big leap); just pick one and go with it. Take some flight training classes. Freelance for the local newspaper. Just don't let yourself feel trapped for much longer, okay? ♥

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

You change by choice. It helps to start small. Declare that you shall change something, and then, through force of will, work at it. It takes some doing, but you can do it.

Of course, having a goal when you do so is a huge help. I'm afraid I can't be of any help in that regard: It's your life, and it's for you to decide how to live it.

Good luck!

[amireal.livejournal.com]

There's a website that has entertainment industry jobs only. You might know of it or have heard of it. entertainment something or other.com

Go look for a job as a grip or a PA or an assistant or whatever. It'll be interesting but near a creative source.

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

I am useless for help with your existential dilemma, but I have to ask about the Giant Cartoon Ass That Fights Crime --

is it originally Japanese (see: nation that gave us Crime-Fighting Nose Hairs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobobo-bo_Bo-bobo))? Or does the US bear the blame?

[trinityofone.livejournal.com]

It's fine; it's actually much easier for me to answer questions about cartoon asses than to talk about whatever the hell is wrong with me.

It is the U.S.'s fault, I'm afraid. A show called Assy McGee on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. I'm horrified to discover that there actually are some things that make me wonder, "What is WRONG with American culture?"

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

OK, my soul is now thoroughly traumatized.

You need to write porn to soothe me. For international peace!

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel..believe me.

All I can say is this..and hopefully this helps, think of the job as this: A starting point, a place from which to jump off from, a first step in a journey..that way it's not so bad when you think of it as a possible means to an end.

Me, I'd kill to be a PA myself, you are always on the move, you help out, you work..now that is something I'd really love to do..okay, it may be down a few pegs from what I'd really love to do, but still, it's so SO much better than what I'm doing right now.

All I can offer is this, take a breath, relax, think of what makes you happy, when you realize that, you'll know what you want to do.

[pentapus.livejournal.com]

When I have similar freakouts in which I come up with ridiculous alternatives or spend three hours wondering why I didn't major in bio or art or anything but what I did, it's usually because I don't know what my options. Which, being still in school, ends me up in a career counselor's office who starts telling me about the eleventy billion options there are and here are twenty I might like and I go, "Oh, that sounds much more sane."

1) Go to the library or the bookstory and find a book called something like "Jobs for Writers" or "Jobs for [blank] majors" and get some better suggestions that army/cop/stewardess.

2) You are not going to be in this job forever, possibly not even for long. It will lead to something else, which will lead to something else. My dad went grad school -> bureau of indian affairs -> budget in AK -> consultant. My sister went art school -> graphics department of large company -> systems implementation and IT consulting -> moved to frickin' Australia.

3) Writing down even vague plans calms me down.

[damson.livejournal.com]

Oh m'dear. :nods: So much of that sounds familiar... and I hear you, if that helps any.
I'd agree with those who say start small, small changes tend to lead into those bigger leaps. They're also far less scary that way. That's what I've found anyway. :)

[spazatron.livejournal.com]

It's a start. It may not be what you want to do forever, but it's something. Meanwhile, keep writing. I have no doubt that you will be very successful in the not-so-distant future, but these things take time. If you can't suffer through your current job any longer, apply for something else. Just don't stress about instant results. You're already changing, whether you see that or not.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

While I can imagine that every cool sounding job is mostly mundane, I can no longer follow you, because you're at the place and in the kind of position nearly everybody else would like to be.
Maybe it helps to visualise why you wanted to get there, or to put yourself into a place you would not like to be, if you can't ATM quit because you don't see where you want to be? Reverse thinking as a trick.

[quettaser.livejournal.com]

You could take a major leap and start (though you probably have already) creating original work for public consumption. Start that story, that screenplay, that pitch and make contacts, steel yourself for getting "out there."

If you can do that with the job you have now, then do it, but if you find it too draining, or you're just plain unhappy, I agree with amireal. Get yourself on a production crew. You'll be active, learning part of the process (always valuable), and meeting people (more important than it should be).

[neery.livejournal.com]

I've got no useful advice, but I so know how you're feeling. I just got through that whole year of not knowing what the hell I want to do with my life -- I was just lucky that the choice I finally made in a half-assed and unenthusiastic way seems to turn out to be the right one. Good luck for finding something that works for you, too!

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

Sorry, but that comment was utterly asinine and really, very stupid! I mean, tons of people go to top notch schools and end up in all kinds of mundane or even boring positions. After all, it's not like you've been out of school for decades and all you have to show for with a degree from a good school and years of job experience is this job you're doing.

Now, being unhappy with your job, that's a different issue, but I'm always a little uncertain how to deal with the things we've been prmised by getting education X or Y...which rarely come to pass (i.e., I strongly discourage most of my students to go to grad school, for example, b/c it tends to not necessarily lead to even remotely decent job prospects...and yes, I'm biased, but I have too many barely employed friends with terminal degrees :-)

[roaringmice.livejournal.com]

That person's comment was crass and thoughtless. What if Trin's dream was to work for an entertainment magazine? For a lot of people, that is something they aspire to. Who is this person to judge? And what, out of college, should US News and World Reports have hired Trin and sent her to Afghanistan? That woman is clueless.

I agree about the terminal degree thing. I looked into getting my PhD in either business or computer science. But I make more with my MBA, and believe I'm happier with my lifestyle, than I would be with a PhD in business. A PhD, especially in the "soft" sciences and the arts, isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even in business or a hard science, it's no guarantee.

[roaringmice.livejournal.com]

Your first job out of school won't be what you do for a career. As others said, it's a first step. It's not a dead end - it's a starting point.

Think back to what you wanted when you were looking for this job. What sorts of things appealed to you? What other types of jobs did you apply for?

Think about the types of things you enjoy doing. Think about the types of things you hate.

And keep in mind, you don't necessarily have to think about this job as "what you're doing with your life," because it could very well be the case that what you're doing ten years from now will have little-to-no relationship to your current employment.

You've only been working there a short time, so my normal recommendation would be to stick it out for a year. That shows future employers that you can keep a job (grins), often a very good thing.

But if you really, really hate it, and there's nothing in the company you hope to be promoted into, then start looking for a new job now. Don't quit this one until you have a new job in hand. But do start looking now.

But what do you look for? Again, I think you should look for a job that interests you. If you know what you want to do with your life, and can find a job in that field, more power to you. But you don't have to think "OMG, my career, my life!" when looking for this next job. Instead, consider simply looking for a new job that interests you, and see where it takes you.

The best thing about this situation - because you're currently employed, you don't necessarily have to make any sudden decisions. You can explore and find a job that really interests you. You can wait and pick.

[gentle-thorns.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your work angst.

the thing about the giant cartoon ass makes me think of this: http://go-girly.com/go/82&left=news

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

You don't have to figure out now what you want to do with the rest of your life. You only have to figure out now what you want to do in the immediate future.

The cool think about life is that if you don't like what you're doing (and you are reasonably smart and educated and don't make stupid choices) you can change it.

[siegeofangels.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I . . . I don't really have any helpful advice. But oh, my GOD, do I know how you feel.

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

If it helps to normalise things... I've discovered this year that research scientists can have the same dilemma. I finish my PhD in March and I no longer want to do what I'm doing... Gah!

Seems much of the population faces this dilemma. Course I was thinking maybe volunteering in a third world country, so army sounds very rational.

And here was I thinking your job sounds so much cooler than mine. Ha!

[zoerayne]

Bide your time and wait for an opportunity to pass nearby, and then go for it. But while you're waiting, be thinking about what you want to do eventually and brainstorming how best to get there. Trust me when I say that opportunities are happening all the time and you just need to be alert to take advantage of them.

My motto is that I'd rather regret something I've done than something I didn't do, and that's served me pretty well over the course of my life.

[kudra2324.livejournal.com]

don't feel like you need to know the answer now and start out on a path that leads inexorably to one end. seriously. if you don't know what you want to do except that you know you don't want to do what you're doing right now, do something else. anything else. rinse and repeat as much as needed until you find something that you don't hate getting up in the morning for. and don't let anyone tell you that have to start on The Career Path now. not only is that bullshit unless you're planning to be, i don't know, an extremely specialized neurosurgeon or something, but it's also where midlife crises of "oh my god, what have i been doing for the last 20 years???" lie.

and those are my two totally unsolicited cents :).

[porntestpilot.livejournal.com]

I could win the lotto and pay you to write fic for me!

or

You could become David Hewlitt's personal assistant.

or you could...wow, is India really this crowded all the time? Sorry, I'm watching heroes.

[boochicken.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who just accepted her fourth job, five years out of college -- yeah, your first job is definitely just a starting point. I know exactly one person who's kept the same job since graduation, and he doesn't like it much. The rest of us are working on two-page resumes.

Personally, I look at every job I take as a step towards what I really want to do (health policy research) -- or something to add to the list of "things I never want to do again" (administrative busywork, public relations). While I wouldn't recommend bailing on your current job without a back-up plan -- I've never been so terrified as when I was unemployed with no savings, even if it only lasted a week -- there are plenty of things you can do short-term, without feeling pressured to find Your True Calling. A friend temped, I taught test-prep classes, another friend worked in a bookstore. I remain firmly convinced that your 20s are the decade that you spend trying different things and figuring out what you really want.

Stop reading my mind already!

[maribouquet.livejournal.com]

Duh - you're a writer! Find yourself a job that doesn't make you want to swallow nails and then write, write, write.

Or you could do like my friend Michael, who has his MFA in creative writing, but is going to medical school to become an ER doc so he can work three days a week and support himself while he writes.

Or you could be like me and stumble around a lot through lots of different fields, waiting for revelation and finally just picking something that looks interesting and scary, and then refuse to give up.

I would recommend taking a look at some/all of Barbara Sher's books.

Everyone will tell you this, and they will be absolutely correct: you have plenty of time to figure this out. Don't despair.

Re: Stop reading my mind already!

[maribouquet.livejournal.com]

Also - cartoon ass!?!?

Is it...Hewlett's ass? *is hopeful*

[chele74.livejournal.com]

As a starting point, you need to think about why you don't like your job. Not that you aren't probably dwelling on this right now, but try thinking it in more positive terms: What would a better job look like? Would it occupy less of your time? Would you be doing different tasks? Would the people be better?

You need to pinpoint what's making you so miserable, and if anything, figure out what's behind the impetus to do something bold. What do you hope to get out of bold?

You might also want to do this with a drink in hand and friends nearby. Talking is good. I'm actually in the middle of overhauling the way I deal with shit at work (a long story), so I'm in a very pro-change mood.

[thefirstnet.livejournal.com]

The fighting ass is wrong on many, many levels.

Honestly, I think your job is pretty good for someone just out of college. It'll look good on a resume. If you want to change, I guess apply for a better writing type job? Or publish :).

[roaringmice.livejournal.com]

Re: #5. A lot of people I know do that. Their day jobs are sort of mundane, but what they do outside of work is impressive.

One example: we have a guy who works in our mailroom. The job is, you know, sorting and delivering corporate mail. But after hours? He's a volunteer fireman and an EMT. He monitors a weather station for the National Weather Service. He also plays on a semi-pro football team.

Another example: my dad. He was a clerk in a hospital. He copied medical records and filed them. Whoo hoo. But that job gave him money and benefits, and in his free time he built a house on the beach. Now he spends every weekend there. Not bad!

For me, on the other hand, I wanted both a job that I loved and a non-work life that I loved. I've managed to find both. But coming out of school, I'd never have thought I'd end up where I am now. Heck, I was a funky, alternative art student at university. I figured I'd get my MFA and be an artist. Now I have my MBA and work in marketing. It's sweet. I *manage* artists.

[hack-benjamin22.livejournal.com]

First off, have you seen the commercial for that cartoon? It's tramatizing. Oh, Adult Swim what happened to the good ol' days when you actually had something worth watching on.

I empathize with your situation. I've been there myself. What I had to do was get over all my insecurities because it wasn't that I was unhappy with my job or school or whatever. It was that I was unhappy with myself and that was leaking over into everything else. I'd often think along the lines of 'why am I doing this' or 'is this all I'm good for.'

But you know once I got over that, and it took a lot of work, I felt this wonderful sense of calm. So yeah, you may not like your job now, but there are other jobs out there waiting for you. Maybe you need to take that leap of faith and just put yourself out there.

Good luck. I hope you find something that makes you happy.

[livrelibre.livejournal.com]

This is the beginning--realizing what you *don't* want to do. Though it'a painful, believe me when I say that it's one of the more valuable lessons you'll have. It pushes you to think about what you really want and in small steps and ways, you'll get there. Everyone else has already given good advice about the small steps and looking out for opportunities to do something even a tinier bit closer to what you want and reading Barbara Sher and all. You don't have to do anything radical or all at once but just keep listening to that voice inside you. This moment of unhappiness is not all there is. /unsolicited advice

[sonofzeal.livejournal.com]

So now that I've actually been to Trinity College...damn, that is a pretty campus.